


Control

by Kmaxwell1997



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms, The Walking Dead (Comics), The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Cussing, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Heavy Angst, Loss of Virginity, Murder, My First Work in This Fandom, Mystery, Negan (Walking Dead) Swears, Oh God Yes, Protective Negan (Walking Dead), Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Strong Female Characters, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You're a badass, and banging, aw hell yeah, fucking language, hellz yeah, its great, lots of humor, mature - Freeform, mature shit my dudes, trigger warnings possibly, wine and dine quite literally, you a sneaky lil ho, you get some
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-03-29 00:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 39,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13915494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kmaxwell1997/pseuds/Kmaxwell1997
Summary: Katie, a 20 year old girl, finds herself in a bad situation that leads her straight into the hands of Negan. Stuff and things ensue. Who is in control?Yeah I don't own these characters or the show sadly. Negan owns me. Whoops.





	1. The Choice

You begin taking shallow breaths as you look down into the dirt, stained red with blood. You're kneeling in a circle with your group, and just watched two of your close friends die. Sure, you hadn't known Abraham for that long, but he was already like a brother to you; however, Glenn was a brother to you. You had known him since you joined his group. You had known him before Rick. You had known him before Carl. You had watched him fall in love with Maggie, and build a life in this fucking hell hole of a world. None of that matters. It took years to build this life and he smashed it all in one second. Negan. You hate him. You HATE him.  
Your brother told you to never use that word. He'd say, "Katie, hate is a strong word. Never use it, you'll never mean it." Unfortunately you used it and you mean it, and even though you wish he were here to jade you for it, he's not. He hasn't been.  
You hear the crunching of footsteps approaching you as you see the dirt in front of you start to create swirls of dust from Negan's boots.  
You can't look up at him. You won't. You're sure if you do you'll ring his neck, and get you killed. Or worse, someone else killed instead.  
You hear a deep, menacing laugh as few more droplets of red, sticky liquid catch the side of your right cheekbone. You try to stop it, but a tear falls from your eye and you quickly wipe it away.  
"Well, young lady, I can tell he was important to you. Damn, that really sucks. Even worse, that one wasn't supposed to happen. You can blame your friend with the arrows there! I didn't want to do that, I really didn't. I hate makin pretty girls cry!" He smiles as he tries to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear but you instinctively flinch away from him, not expecting the touch.  
"I'm not gonna hurt ya doll! I'm only trying to help ya!" He says as he lifts your chin up from the ground.  
As much as you don't want to face him, you know rebelling could potentially cause more violence, so you comply and bring your eyes up to him.  
"Damn! You don't see too many of these anymore do ya! This one sure is DAMN good lookin!" He brings his tongue against his bottom lip and across his salt and pepper beard as he gazes at you with a look you don't like. You've seen this look before. It's the look a hunter has when he sees a buck during open season. It's the look the walkers have when you outrun them. It's the look of a predator capturing its prey.   
"Katie." You say in a low mumble.  
"What'd you say darlin? I couldn't hear you?" He says with a smirk on his face.  
"Katie. My name is Katie. I'm not darling, baby, doll, or anything. I' have a fucking name."   
You don't know why you say it, or how you had the guts to, but you did. You immediately hear a bunch of whistles and laughter from Negan's men as Negan laughs and puts his hand over his mouth as he bends over to laugh. He is still clutching Lucille with a vice grip, but not in a threatening way.  
"Damn, this one has a mouth too! Can you believe it? Pretty with a personality? We really struck gold here fellas!" He says as he begins to strut towards you and kneels down to be at the same level towards you.  
"Damn, hon, what else does that mouth fuckin do?" He says with a devilish grin on his face.  
"I'll show you." You say, as you gather up your courage and spit on his leather jacket.  
*oh shit, you're gonna die*  
Now that sends the men into roaring fits of laughter, and you see Negan playfully give them grins as he tries to put on his best face.  
You immediately look to Rick with a face of genuine concern and regret, and he reflects the same look back to you. Eugene is still crying with his face in his hands. You feel like doing the same. Your life is for sure about to end. You've just spit at a man that has killed people for just giving him a dirty look. You've sealed your fate. You decide to look to the ground. You don't want to see Lucille swinging down on you, you'd rather it be completely random, maybe then you won't even feel it. You release more tears as you think of your family. God, I'm so stupid. They all died for me to get here, and I just pissed it away.  
You feel someone yank your hair back and you release a long held scream. You are jerked back behind the small circle by a blonde haired man. A side of his face looks... burned? You scream at the realization as a knife is pressed to your throat and you can feel droplets of blood forming from the harshness it is pressed against your sensitive skin.  
"HEY!!!" You hear Rick yell.  
"Woah woah woah, Dwight! That's not how we treat our lady friends here is it?" Negan says with a playful grin on his face.  
"But, we usual-"  
"Did you here me? That shit is not acceptable! That's not how we're gonna treat Miss Katie today is it?"   
"Well, no sir I was j-"  
"Just going to do what I say? I say we're not gonna treat her that way!" Negan says as he steps out of the circle to grab you back to your feet and quickly lead you back to the circle. You are so caught off guard that you trip over your own feet and stumble back into the dirt face first, immediately scrambling back into your knees in order to look at Negan.  
"You've got some balls on ya darlin! Normally I don't dig that, but God DAMNIT if it doesn't make my dick twitch!" He says with a satisfied grin on his face.  
You scrunch your face in disgust.  
"You just don't care do you! You make those faces and run your mouth without thinking what I'll do about it! Don't ya?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well, I don't know it before, but that's some shit I like!" He announces the last word before he leans in close to your ear.  
"I'll tell you what. I won't kill you, IF you come home with me." He says as he steps back with a grin.  
"I'm not gonna be one of your little toys." You say with a straight face.  
Shit, you're for sure gonna die.  
"Damn, girl. You're 18 right?"   
"Yeah, you're like my grandpas age right?" You add with a sarcastic smile. Damnit, What has gotten in to you?   
"Ho-ly SHIT! You really do use that mouth of yours don't you? Well then. I'll tell you what. Since you've disrespected me in front of my men, I know you obviously have no will to live. So, you come back with us, or someone else is batting practice, your pick." Negan says with a grin.  
Damnit.   
You look to Rick with tears in your eyes, and know you have no choice. Tears start to fall as you realize your freedom is lost. You have no choice. You let a sob go as you feel Negan reach for your chin again.  
"Come on, doll, it won't be so bad. You ever had whiskey before? Makes everything easier." He laughs as he picks you up from the ground. Your leg has a cut in it from scrambling on the ground, and since the adrenaline has worn off, you can instantly feel it as you trip again.  
"Damn! You are a clumsy one aren't you?" Negan says as he puts an arm around you and helps you hobble to the trailer. He open the door and lets you inside as he shuts it. You look through the dusty, grimy window to your group one last time as you hear the engine kick start. You put your hand in the window, and the heat from it leaves a foggy imprint as you look back at your group in the dust. Tears begin to slide down your face, and you look back until the small circle fades into the darkness.

**** hi I'm new here! Second fic! I met JDM over the summer and had this plot in my movie for months now lol. I usually have a song that kind of shows the mood and everything of each fanfic and the song that I listened to most that kinda goes with this is "Control" by Halsey.


	2. Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girl you special and he proves it.

You lean on the glass window, trying to distract yourself from looking at him. You are so full of anger, sadness, frustration. If you let him know you are afraid of him, he will use it against you. He kept you alive because of your wit and mouth. He obviously has taken some kind of liking to you. Regardless of whether or not he thinks you're pretty doesn't matter, because he has killed people no matter what, do he likes something about you. Just what is it exactly?  
"I can hear the wheels turning in your head..." Negan looks over at you with a smirk.   
You unintentionally glance at him and then quickly turn your head back, bot wanting to engage in conversation at all.  
"Oh, come on! You're still pissed aren't you? I could have easily put down your whole group for that stupid stunt, but I didn't. You should be thankful!" He announces the last word loudly, and you flinch at the change of volume.   
"I'll tell you what, you're a confusing thing aren't ya? Ya got the balls to talk back to me in front of my men but jump when I barely yell? What are you?" He laughs as you curl your knees up and continue looking out the window.  
The ride goes on for another hour with no conversation before you arrive at a set of metal gates. They open automatically and you immediately see what looks to be a pen of walkers with various torturous things attached to them. You release a gasp as you see someone in a dirty orange sweatshirt throw what looks like flesh into the area, and one walker feeds on it.  
"Impressive, huh?" He looks at you with a grin as he turns the engine of the car off. You look at where you are, and notice you're in front of a large building with many windows. You unbuckle your seatbelt and look at him with pure disgust as you reply, "That's barbaric! How cou-"  
Suddenly your door opens and you are ripped backwards off the seat, sending you screaming falling as you land on what appears to be gravel. You immediately lose your breath as the wind is knocked out of you from your awkward landing, and you choke for your breath as you look towards the man with gray hair and a mustache that pulled you out.  
"Damnit, Simon!" You hear Negan scream as he runs towards your side of the truck.   
You hear someone hit the ground next to you, and realize with a smile it's Simon.  
He begins stumbling with his words, obviously taken back by the sudden switch in demeanor from his boss.  
"I- I'm sorry Negan! This is how we usually treat-"   
"Did I say we were treating her differently? Didn't I just say that 4 fucking minutes ago?" Negan bellows as he stands above Simon with a glare.  
You would be laughing, but you're too busy gasping trying to catch your breath.  
Suddenly Negan switches to look at you, and scoops you into his arms.   
"How old are you?" He asks with a look of genuine concern on his face.  
"Tw- twenty" you say between gasps.  
"Damnit guys. She's a fuckin kid. Have a little respect, alright. She's just a damn kid." He begins to carry you to the stairs of the building when you look towards his people.  
They're all staring wide-eyed at you, completely shocked. He obviously never acts like this. You hear faint whispers as they are all looking at you still. You must be something for him to act like this. What's gotten into him?   
You hear a door creak open and shut as you are aware you are inside one of the main halls of the building. Everyone in sight immediately kneels before him.   
Damn, this is really fucking weird.  
He continues walking down several hallways until he comes to a small looking compartment. He opens the metal door, and it is a small, dark room. Probably only a few feet high and wide, barely large enough to be considered a room.   
"Darlin, I don't know where the doc is, and I'm gonna go find him to talk to him and set up a new patient file, so I'll have to leave you in here for a few minutes. This won't be more than an hour, you're not a prisoner ok?" He puts his hand on your shoulder with a look of genuine concern and you finally manage to steady your breathing.  
"Yeah, yeah that's fine, I need the sleep anyways." You say as you walk into the small space and slay down. It may be cold and uncomfortable, but it is enough to be able to sleep knowing that there is no way a walker will get you.  
"I'll come get you with the doctor, if you need anything just holler, I won't be too far."  
He smiles and shuts the metal door, locking it. You hear his footsteps fade away as you curl up on the ground.  
Oh boy, what have you gotten yourself into. It's not the best situation, but it's not the worst. You could be dead. You're alive, which means your friends and family didn't die in vain.  
*just work through it* you think as you drift off into a nap.


	3. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> Attempted rape, but fear not, you kick ass and take names.

You are jarringly awakened from your sleep when you hear the lock of your door being unlocked. You shut your eyes from the bright light that immediately hits you and you cover your face as you look down. You quickly hear the door shut just as quickly as it opened. Your eyes have barely adjusted as you look at the figure before you.   
That's not Negan!  
This man has a dark brown beard, greasy brown hair down past his ears but above his shoulders. He's wearing a stained gray t shirt and a pair of dusty jeans. He had the same look as Negan had in his eyes the night he gave you your dilemma, the hunter/prey look.   
You take a gulp as you try to think of a plan. This definitely wasn't Negan's help.  
As you are thinking, he holds up a knife that glitters in the dim lighting.   
You instinctively scream, "NEGAAA-" but are cut off by a hand over your mouth and the sharp edge slightly cutting your throat.  
"Shhhhhhhhhhh" he whispers before he takes his hand off your mouth and brings a single finger up to his own in a silencing motion.  
"I won't tell you twice. Shut the fuck up." He whispers as he tries to grab your shirt.  
You automatically move to get away from him as you aggressively tear your shirt from him. He immediately grips your shirt harder and pulls before you hear a distinct tearing noise. You look down to see a large hole in the neckline of your gray shirt, and you can slightly see the the white of your lace bra through the crevice. At this, he grins wickedly and tries to start unbuttoning your shorts.  
At this, you kick him hard with your black converse and scramble to find the opening of the door. Just as your finger grazes the edge of the door, your face is bashed against the hard metal wall as your vision blurs and your ears ring.  
You've had concussions before. You've played soccer and field hockey, and always managed to get a head injury every once in a while, but they were nothing compared to the throbbing agony you feel right now. Both of your hands clasp your temples in attempt to cease the overwhelming pain. You're too stunned to do anything.  
At this, he grabs your feet and pulls your legs towards him, your shirt slightly riding up as you feel small grains of dirt pry into your skin.   
You open your mouth to scream again, but he harshly slaps your face, effectively whipping your already throbbing head to the side. His laugh begins to echo, and you feel your high waisted shorts being unbuttoned and hear his belt buckle become undone with his zipper. You feel a trickle of blood drip from your mouth, you must have accidentally bitten your lip when he hit you.  
Just as the man gets his hands on your zipper, the door is widely thrown open. The light immediacy sends your brain into a frenzy as you cry at the harsh change of brightness. You are faintly aware of the loss of contact on your bottom half, and gently say a silent thank you for whoever came in.  
You open your eyes enough to see Negan standing in front of you, practically right on top of you.  
"Now what in the fuck is going on?" He angrily asks. He looks in your direction and takes in the sight before him. You're bloodied with a ripped shirt and unbuttoned pants with cuts on your neck and tears on your cheeks. He looks towards the man and sees his pants undone holding the knife with a look of fear. His face wrinkles in anger.  
"Brett, were you about to rape this girl?" He says, slightly tapping Lucille on the doorframe to get his attention.  
The man stirs on the ground before buttoning his pants as he quickly stands up stammering, "Sir, I can expla-"  
"YOU... were trying to rape this girl." He looks at the man with a gaze that could kill. Brett only looks down at the ground and gulps, confirming Negan's accusations.  
"Now that is unacceptable behavior. Rape is against the rules here. Frankly, I wouldn't wanna be anywhere it wasn't!"  
Negan suddenly pulls out a large jagged knife that makes a loud scraping noise as it is unsheathed.   
"Brett... you really crossed the line here," Negan says as he twirls the knife in his hand.   
"I-I'm sorry, sir." Brett mumbles as he continues looking down.  
Suddenly, Negan jabs the knife in the side of his throat and you instinctively release a gasp of shock.   
"Ya know what? I do not accept your apology!" Negan says as he yanks the knife out and tosses his body out of the door into the hallway outside. A pool of blood immediately begins to form around his head, and you look away in disgust.  
Negan then approaches you as he releases a huff.   
You hear the familiar clink of a bat being set down beside you as you feel a strong hand grab your shoulder. You instinctively flinch away, still in shock from what has happened. He immediately realizes his mistake and removes his hand, but kneels down to look at you. You look down to notice that the top half of your shirt is completely ripped open, the white cup of your bra on full display and the cotton elastic band of your underwear can be seen through your unbuttoned shorts. You close your eyes in embarrassment and put your hands around your chest to try to conceal the remnants of your dignity. You avoid his eyes, not sure if you're too proud or too embarrassed to look at him.  
"Hey, look at me..." he says with a serious, yet comforting voice.   
You look to him, your eyes welling with more tears, still in shock from the fear and adrenaline.  
"I'm sorry. About all of it. That wasn't supposed to happen." This time you don't flinch when he puts his hand on your cheek to wipe a tear away.  
"Listen, I'm sorry you're in this mess. All of it. But I'm gonna try to make it better." He whispers as he whistles at someone who hands him a blanket.   
He gently wraps the blanket around you and picks you up, cradling you as he did earlier.  
"I'm sorry, darlin." He whispers under his breath repeatedly as he carries you up a set of stairs and takes you to a large room. He sets you on the bed and goes to a drawer and brings out a new black shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.  
"I'm sorry, doll. It's not much, but it's comfortable. You can use the shower if you want. I know some people like to use it if..." he suddenly looks down and scolds himself. "Look, doll. That never happens around here. It's not okay. I'm so sorry." He walks towards you again and puts an arm around you.  
"It's not your fault." You say as you look at him reassuringly.  
"If I hadn't left you, he wouldn't have gotten you."  
"He didn't get me. He tried, but he didn't. It was close, but trust me, when you live in this kinda world you are always reminded of how shitty people are." You look off as you are brought to flashbacks of your previous encounters with this type of violence.  
"I take it this isn't your first time with this." He grabs your hand and gives you a look of apology.  
"When you're a girl in a world without rules, you learn quickly." You gulp as you shake your head. "But it's over. It's done with. It's not the first, probably not the last. But you survive." You say as you grab the clothes and head towards the bathroom.   
"You get some sleep, I'll bring you your dinner later." Negan says as he starts heading for the exit. "Oh, and one more thing,"  
You stop in your tracks and look back towards him.  
"I knew I liked ya for a reason, Katie. Ya got some fight in you." He winks as he shuts the door.  
You walk into the bathroom and smile as you look in the large mirror.  
You look battered, a slight bruise forming on your cheek and dried blood at the corner of your lips. You're a mess, but you're alive. And isn't that the point of all this?  
Yeah, you do have some fight in you.


	4. Pretty Face

You slip into the shower, expecting cold water from some contraption running it. Instead, you are shocked to feel a warm rush of liquid against your naked body. Shocked, you scream and jump out, not really knowing how to process the thought of a hot shower. I mean, you haven't had s hot shower in over two years, before this hell hole began, and damn did you miss it.  
You hear the rushed sound of footsteps in the bedroom and the door begin to open as you yell "WAIT!" And hide underneath two towels you see, clutching them to your naked self.  
It is just in time, as Negan appears around the corner with a look of fear on his face.   
"Now what in the hell are you yelling for?" He Says.  
"Oh... I'm sorry... I want expecting hot water... there's never been hot water before..." you look down, embarrassed for causing such a scene.  
"Jesus, girl, you're gonna kill me." He says with a sigh of relief as he rubs a hand in his beard and looks towards the ground.  
"I'm sorry I uh... interrupted you." He says as he makes an odd gesture with his hands.  
Your cheeks are red as you notice you're clutching a towel to your body with nothing else, and you release s nervous thank you as you start to usher him out the door. Just before he shuts it, he leans in close to our ear and whispers, "by the way, I didn't see anything you didn't want me to, but from what I did see... DAMN" he says as he looks towards your cleavage. You don't know why, but you think this is genuinely funny for some reason and laugh with him. Maybe it's the fact that you're getting attention for once from men, or maybe it's the fact that this man is complimenting you instead of digging your grave. Either way, you take his comments without a fight and shut the door.  
You lather up with soap and other nice things in the shower as you truly treat yourself to a nice cleanse. The soaps all smell like lavender, your favorite.  
After you finish cleaning yourself, you turn off the nozzle and step out, grabbing a towel as you suddenly feel like singing. Oh God, you haven't felt this pampered in forever. You try singing, but your head is still throbbing, so you decide maybe something less. You then begin humming "Killer Queen" by Queen as you run your fingers through your long, damp locks, effectively getting rid of a majority of the tangles. You strap on your bra and put on his boxers as you put on his t shirt as well. You step out of the room, foggy warmth following you as you adjust to see Negan there again. You jump slightly and notice him laughing.  
"What?" You ask, confused as to why he's here.  
"Well, I decided to come bring you dinner and talk to you, but I feel like every time I show up to say hi I'm gonna give you a God damn heart attack!" He says as he laughs.  
"Yeah, I've always been pretty jumpy, but I've been out there for too long." You say, gesturing to the outside world.  
"Yeah, I'm glad we found you in time... there aren't too many pretty girls left here." He says as he looks outside the window.  
"I can throw knives." You say.  
"What?" He automatically looks back to you with an eyebrow raised.  
"I can stitch wounds and shoot a bullseye with a bow and arrow. I am fluent in Latin, and near fluent with Spanish and Russian." You add, keeping your face empty and your voice even.  
"What in th-"  
"I can perform CPR, I know some herbal roots and where to find them, I was a wilderness camp counselor before shot went downhill. I know how to start fires and make small traps. I learned how to sharper rocks into knives and can turn a log into a canoe if I really need to." You continue, not letting up.  
"Why are you saying this?" He asks, walking towards you with his head cocked to the side in confusion.  
"Well I just thought I'd remind you about me. You only mention how pretty I am, so I thought I'd let you know what really matters." You say as you begin to climb onto his large mattress and settle under the blankets and comforter.   
"You sure do use that mouth don't you?" He looks at you and releases a laugh. "I like you, kid."   
"Hopefully for more than my pretty face." You mock as you raise an eyebrow.  
"Oh trust me, darlin, you've made that clear now, I get it. I'm used to the girls I've had here that only want to be called pretty and sit on their asses all day." He says as he sits on the side of the bed closest to you.  
"Yeah, well I was never really that popular in school, and was never known as the pretty one. Why be the pretty one when you can be the class representative or the soccer athlete or the honors scholar? I wanted to be known as something more than what I was given ya know?" You say.  
"Damn, you're a special one ya know that, darlin?" He says with a smile as he sets a tray of food in front of you.  
"Holy fuck y'all have spaghetti?" You ask, wide eyed seeing the pile of noodles and marinara on your plate.  
"I was tryin to give ya a compliment there, hon. You're not so good with compliments are ya?" He laughs at your bluntness.  
"Oh shit, sorry, thanks. Yeah not really. Whenever people have sweet talked me it was to try to steal my food or kill me." You say as you begin to shovel food in your mouth.  
"You cuss a lot for a kid."  
"I'm twenty, I'm not a fuckin kid." You slightly say, grumble as your mouth is full of spaghetti and smile.  
He laughs at your lack of caring as he begins to tease you.  
"I thought ladies had manners." He says as he hands you a napkin.  
"Jesus, I'm not ladylike but I'm still a woman." You say as you jokingly flip him off with the same hand you're holding your garlic bread in.  
He lets out a genuine belly laugh as he hands you a glass of water.  
"Why are you being nice to me?" You say, taking the glass of water.  
"Well, you agreed to come here."  
"Yeah, but I saw the way people were looking at you when you stuck up for me. I can see that doesn't happen." You say, raising an eyebrow.  
He sighs and says, "cause I like ya, Katie. Ya got balls. You're not afraid to speak your mind."  
"Well I got a lot to say." You once again speak with your mouth full.  
"Oh trust me, I know, honey. We gotta work on something though." He says as he grabs your hand.  
"Ok I wrom tawk wrih mah mouhth full." You say as you finish chewing and swallow.  
"No, it's not that..." he says as he looks at you.  
"What is it?"  
"My men respect me, and I can't have you talking back to me in front of my men like you did earlier." He says.  
"Well, I treat someone with respect when they treat me with respect." You answer back without skipping a beat.  
"Hon, that ain't gonna fly, I'm your boss now. You gotta treat me with respect."   
You look at him and furrow your eyebrows, obviously aggravated.  
"You don't own me?" You say, half questioning and half telling him.  
"Oh, but I do. You came here to work for me. You're mine." He says as he puts his hand under your chin.  
"Well, fuck." You say, not quite sure what you were expecting.  
"It's not that bad, you can work, you earn your pay, you survive. Or you can be my wife."  
"Yeah I'm twenty I'm not gonna be a wife I can barely take care of myself much less another person."  
"Being a wife isn't that hard. You just spend time with me." He says as he winks.  
"Yeah, I'm kind of a... yeah never mind." You say as you take another sip of water, knowing it's too late to save yourself from the conversation you're about to have.  
"You're a what?"  
"I'm a hardass." You say, trying to drop the subject, but in vain.  
"No, you were gonna say something else."  
"Ok, like it's not a big deal or anything though. I'm a virgin. Ok there." You say picking up the garlic bread again.  
"You're a virgin, doll?" He says with a grin on his face.  
"Ew, Jesus don't get like that." You say with a disgusted face, putting your garlic bread down.  
"Like what?" He says, still not dropping the smile.  
"All 'you innocent little thing that's so cute'. I heard it in high school, it's not a big deal." You say, once again dreading talking about it.  
"But why are y-"  
"Can I get some sleep? I don't wanna talk about this anymore." You cut him off.  
"Yeah, sure darling." He says as he leaves your bed and gets up. He closes the door behind him and you put your food on the table beside you. You burrow under the covers to get some sleep.


	5. Plan

You are awoken by a shuffle of footsteps outside, and hop up to see what's happening. By the harsh logging coming through the window, you realize you must have slept for hours and it's already the next day. Squinting your eyes and looking through the dusty glass, you see groups of people running around the compound.   
You seem to have tuned out most of your senses as you curiously observe their actions, because when you begin to slowly take steps back and turn around, you run straight into Negan's strong chest.  
Taken aback, you try your best to shuffle back but end up tripping over your feet and landing straight on your butt with an "ope." At this, he releases a loud laugh and doubles over. You sit on your knees and dust off the top of his boxers, mostly trying to dust off the embarrassment.   
"Well, I thought you were a gentleman, you're not even gonna offer to help a lady up?" You ask and raise an eyebrow in sarcasm.  
"I would, darlin, but I think it's such a pretty sight to see you on your knees!" He says with a devilish grin on his face.  
At this, your smile drops and you quickly scramble to your feet and walk over to the bed to grab your original black denim shorts.  
"What? What? It was just a joke hon!" He says as he puts a hand on your shoulder, which immediately send you whipping away from him.  
"Don't touch me." You say quietly.  
You're not sure why some things set you off with him. You could be having a lighthearted conversation, you could be having fun and then suddenly you're on the defense. You blame the past violence. You had always been surrounded by violence. Your brothers were the only thing that protected you from it. You had one biological brother, but your four male cousins stayed with you due to their parents being in jail after a drug bust. So in turn, they were your brothers. Even growing up in an abusive household, you would see mom cower in fear at your fathers angry spouts, spurred on by the alcohol he mainstreamed to deal with those fights. You'd remember the police lights flashing blue and red outside of your blinds, a strip of blinding flashes entering the room as there was a broken blind, a crack through which you could see the officers approaching. You'd see your brothers huddle over you, trying to shield your eyes from the broken face of your mother, blood running every direction on her face as she tried to stick up for your father. You'd call it Stockholm Syndrome, but she called it love. You'd walk in blankets outside to talk to officers as they'd take your father in handcuffs and your mother to the hospital, your oldest cousin 18 being able to watch over you. You were only 8 at the time, but it wasn't the first and wasn't the last.  
You shook your head to get away from the memories, shutting your eyes and putting your hands around your head to try to drown out your mothers cries as your father screamed.   
You begin to violently tremble as you remember the man on the road one night that grabbed you by your shoulder and shoved you to the ground. You tried to grab your knife but he kicked it away, seeing it fly away in the dark dust. "You're in trouble now, hon. You been fucked to heaven before? No? Well you're gonna love it." He says as he grabbed a box cutter and your shirt. He is too busy distracted on which part of you to attack first when you lunge and grab the gun. You fire a shot into his leg, hearing him scream in aging. Just as you are about to finish him, you hear a strangled sound coming from behind a tree. You squint to see a walker limp out, barely noticeable in the moonlight.  
"Well, I'll save a bullet and let him take care of ya, hon. Oh, and get fucked to hell." You say as you turn around, grab your knife, and continue on your way, eventually hearing a satisfying series of screaming and gurgling.  
You snap back to reality, shaking, tears welling.  
"Don't, don't touch me." You say as the tears that threatened to spill break, and you immediately fall to your knees again.   
"Darlin, I didn't mean anything by it, really. You know I'm not gonna hurt you. As much as I wanna kill you for getting away with talking to me like that in front of my men sometimes you know I can't do it. I'd never lay a finger on ya." He says as he kneels down to my position.   
You figure after a few minutes he'll just leave, leaving your pathetic self to wallow over your sudden outburst, but he doesn't. He stays with you, sitting on the floor for what feels like hours. He eventually brings you to his chest and you just continue to sob there in his arms, not sure why you're accepting his comfort or why you're receiving it in the first place.  
You start to feels gentle circles being rubbed on your upper back, and start to come down from your burst of emotions.   
You finally gather enough strength to sit up completely, merely inches from his face as you wipe the last tears away. You're embarrassed. You look weak. You broke down in front of a stranger crying, you look like a pathetic child. You begin to chide yourself, but stop as he begins to speak.  
"I'm sorry for everything that's happened darlin, not just here. I don't know what exactly was happenin in your mind but I've seen a smiling look in your eyes among my men after they see some gnarly shit. That empty gaze. Where'd you go?" He questions, genuine concern and sympathy in his eyes.  
"I don't know why, but sometimes the littlest things can bring back flashbacks. A touch, a word, a sound. I've had it since I was a kid, and my school psychologist thought it was PTSD, but I never went to get anything checked out." You answer.  
"School psychologist? You mean you've had this shit for years?" He says, voice filled with surprise.  
"Yeah, it's not that bad though, you learn to manage. I mean, when you see your dad put your mom in a coma, you're not really too shocked when you see someone torn apart by a walker. So, I'm probably better off than some people right now." You numbly reply, your eyes no longer full of any emotion.  
"You went somewhere though. Where?"  
Should you really tell this man anything? He killed your closest friends, practically kidnapped you, but he wants to know your life? He cares about your life? Maybe he'll just use it against you when you're not of any use to him? Maybe he'll make fun of you and laugh when you tell him? But for some reason, the thought that you trust this man outweighs every doubt in your mind.  
"Well, I thought of the first person I almost killed on the road. The way you grabbed my shoulder, just like he did. It was a few days after my brother died. I had five brothers. But they all started going down one by one, protecting me. Eventually it was just me and my brother. He had an infection from being shot, so we camped out for days in the woods. He'd told me about a group of people he saw 2 miles back, and how they had a trailer. He didn't know if they were friendly, but knew he was going to die. He wanted to protect me, and told me once he was gone to go to them. He trusts them for some reason, and he thought he recognized his friend Glenn from school. He died that night, and I left as soon as it happened. I was walking towards that camp he told me about when I was attacked. He kicked my knife away and tried to... you know... but he was too busy thinking about taking my shirt off that I got his gun and shot him. I was so scared, I was about to kill him, but I heard a walker, and let him for that fate. After walking for a little while I found the trailer. It was his friend Glenn, Glenn Rhee. And there was Carol, Daryl, Merle, Andrea..." you faintly smile as you remember as they took you in with open arms. Glenn saw you with your hands up, ready to try to talk them into letting you live when he recognized you from days when he would come to your house after school and play tag. He immediately hugged you and offered you a place to stay, where you were family.  
Negan grabs him beard and scratches it slightly. "What happened to them?"  
"Well, almost all of them are dead. Carol ran off somewhere, we still can't find her. Daryl is the one who punched you, and Glenn is the one you murdered." You look down, near tears at the recent and painful memory.  
"I'm sorry about him. If I'd had known all this and how important to you he was... damn, I'm sorry sweetie." He apologizes as he wraps an arm around your shoulder. "I'll make it up to you. I will." He says.  
"You can't take it back. You can't bring him back."  
"I know. Trust me, I've lost people too. Nothing can fill that hole, but you can build over it."  
You look down. You're sad, but you're too numb for anything.  
"You get some rest for that concussion. Look, I'm not gonna hurt you. I like you. You've seen some shit but you're still a fightin, stubborn bull. Listen, you're about the only one that gets away with that shit. I don't take these things lightly. Really, the only people allowed to sleep in this bed are me and my wives."  
You look down at the sheets. "Please tell me you at least washed these after your last session." You say in disgust.  
He releases another deep laugh.  
"See? That's what I'm talkin about. You're not afraid to say whatever you feel, even to me. Do I even scare you?"  
"Hardly, I went into a Walmart basically alone and let me tell you it's even worse after the apocalypse... like at least triple words than normal. Nothing after that even nudges me." You say with a laugh.  
Negan laughs but oddly has a weird look of disappointment in his eyes.  
"What's wrong?" You ask.  
"Whadya mean?" He quickly replies.  
"You're talking to the girl that could only find books about psychology and visited the school psychologist for lunch... I can read people. Come on, be honest." You say as you roll your eyes.  
"Well, of we're being honest. Im supposed to go fuck the shot out of one of my wives soon." He says, with suspicious smile on his face.  
"I immediately want to end this conversation." You furrow your eyebrows in disgust.   
"You said be honest..." he says with a raised eyebrow.  
You think for a moment and decide to let him continue.  
"I'm gonna regret it but go on."  
"Right. I've got an appointment at fuck city but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood to enjoy her right now."   
"Erectile dysfunction is a serious condition." You joke, immediately sending him and yourself into a fit of laughter.  
"See, darlin, that's not the problem. You are.  
Oh shit.  
"Me?"  
"Yeah, you. I've got the hots for you and I can't even begin to focus on them right now. I haven't fucked any of them since you got here. I would rather talk to you than fuck their brains out."  
"Romance isn't dead." You say with a fake smile on your face.  
"Darlin, I know you're probably against it, but are you sure you don't wanna be my wife?" He says.   
You want to laugh, but he's dead serious. You don't want to be a wife, but if you stay on his good side, maybe you can get out of here. You can fake being happy and giggly right?   
"Negan, I appreciate the offer, but I can't be a wife," you begin, and his face immediately drops.  
"I'm not finished though. I don't want to feel obligated for anything. But I like you, Negan. I like you more than I should,"  
At this he begins to give that devilish smirk again.  
"I really like you. I've never dated anyone. I've never done... stuff. I don't want to feel forced into something by being a wife, but what if we just see where things go. We both like each other, we're both attracted to each other. Is there anything wrong with treating this like a relationship and seeing where it goes?"  
Oh shit, you said it.  
"That sounds like a damn good plan, darlin. In that case, since we're dating and all, I think it's time I give you your kiss."  
Oh no.  
"I've never kissed anyone." You reply quickly, almost nervously.  
"Welllll ho-ly shit that makes me a god damn mess ya know? Do you even realize how much that turns me on? Well, I guess I'm gonna be your first kiss!" He says as he leans forward and takes your face to his. He moves his lips to yours, and before you realize, you're making out. You two are slamming your lips together, your tongues battling for dominance when you finally break it.  
"Well, that's one hell of a first kiss." He says as he sits up and smiles. "I gotta go take care of business, but I'll see ya later darlin." He replied with a wink before he heads to the door.  
You're still slightly in shock from the kiss. You hate to say it, but it was nice. Nice? What has gotten into you. Oh well, it doesn't matter, you've got him.   
Perfect, the plan has begun.   
I'm in control.


	6. Lunch Friends

Your stomach grumbles a few seconds after he closes the door. It's been hours since you ate, and you're pretty hungry. You decide to change out of his boxer shorts though, because if you're going to be in public, the last thing you need is to stir up a scandal before you even get around anywhere. Putting on your black jeans shorts, you decide to rummage through his clothes to see what shirt you can borrow. It's the apocalypse, but damnit you haven't worn black on black since middle school track suit days and you're never going back. Searching through the drawers, you find a nice gray t shirt. It's a little big, but it's still small enough to tuck into your high waisted shorts without looking like a snake that just ate. Perfect!   
You exit the door and begin walking down the hallway. As you turn the corner, you immediately bump into someone.  
"Ope. Sorry about that." You day as you look up and see who you hit. It's none other than the blonde man with the burnt face that almost killed you your first night here. Up close, the burn mark looks old, healed; yet, you can't help but think of how he got it. "Oh, it's you." You say, your voice tinged with annoyance.  
"Look, I don't like him tying anyone. It's orders though. We all have a job to do." He says, voice full of sincerity. You can't help but wonder how he got here. He mustn't have always been this evil person, he obviously got on Negan's bad side...  
"Well, I guess you're right. And if I'm gonna be here a while then I might as well give everyone a second chance, right?"  
"Right. I guess we started off on the wrong foot, I'm Dwight." He says as he extends a hand forward.  
"Katie." You say, a polite smile present as you firmly grasp and shame his hand.  
"Ya know, you must be pretty special. The way Negan treats you... you've been the talk of the town."   
Oh no. What does that mean? Good thing? Bad thing? Oh shit. You don't want this. You scrunch your face in concern, trying to process being the center of attention and not knowing whether it's good or bad. He sees you struggling.  
"Hey, it's not a bad thing. It's rare someone is on Negan's good list so quickly. Consider it an accomplishment." He says as he gently grabs your shoulder.  
"It's pretty scary here alone the first time, and I heard you'd be out of work a few days from your concussion."  
"Wait? You know about that?"  
"Yeah. I'm his right hand man. I know everything."  
Your heart sinks. Great, he and whoever else that he comes into contact with probably knows about the incident. God. Can't wait for the weird stares constantly, bordering between pity and judgement.  
"Hey, don't worry. Only me and two other men know. Trust me, it's safe with us." He says, giving my shoulder a squeeze and winking.  
"Thanks."  
"Any time. Really though, if you need anything, let me know."   
"Can I start now?"   
"What's up?"  
"I was gonna get lunch, but I don't have anyone to talk to... can I eat lunch with you?"   
"Sure. Me and a few guys were gonna eat in the cafeteria in a few minutes, come with me." He says with a warm smile as he puts his arm around your shoulder, guiding you along the hallways.  
You may not be in the best of circumstances, but at least you made a friend.   
You come to a large open room with metal tables. There are large lights hanging above, and a meaty smell fills the air as you hum with pleasure. You didn't even notice that you closed your eyes until you hear Dwight laughing at you.   
A bell nearly gives you a heart attack as you jump from your place and whip around to hear a herd of footsteps. Terrified, you step behind Dwight as people come pouring into the large room. Dwight takes your hand and immediately leads you to the front of the line where you are given a blue plastic tray with a plate piled with shredded chicken and black beans. You also grab a plastic cup for water as you follow Dwight. He picks one of the more secluded metal benches, and you talk until you hear someone set down a tray next to you.  
"You would not believe the way Negan treats her!" A mystery voice begins to speak.  
Dwights eyes immediately widen as he tried to secretly motion for the man to stop talking. You turn to your right and find the man with the gray hair and beard that knocked the wind out of you. Simon.  
"The way Negan treats who?" You ask, a sassy grin on your face with your hands folded underneath your chin. Dwight notices the tension and tries to start an introduction.  
"Katie, this is Simon. Simon, this is-"  
"Ohhhhh, we've met before. Right Simon?" You innocently blink your doe eyes at him, keeping up your act to try and make him as uncomfortable as possible.  
Just as he is about to answer, you see a muscular woman with dark, short hair sit next to Dwight. She has piercings all over her ears, one in her nose, and one above her eyebrow. Tattoos cover her body, and her hair naturally has a lift to it that just makes her look like a complete badass. She immediately gives you an unexpected friendly smile as she raises an eyebrow.  
"So, you're the one everyone's been talking about! Well, they weren't wrong, you're officially one of the hottest ones here, and I'm usually not into the girly looking ones!" She says with a laugh.  
"Well, I can see I'm a popular topic here! I haven't felt like this many eyes have been mentally fucking me since I snuck into a bar!"   
At this, everyone laughs.  
"I'm Katie!" You eagerly say.  
"I'm Morgan. Nice to finally meet you in the flesh." She says with a wink. She looks you up and down one more time, before she says, "Damn, it's a shame he likes ya, or else I'd try to snag ya." She says with a wink.  
"Wait, he seriously likes me? Like, actually?"  
"Come on, you haven't noticed? He doesn't even look at his wives the way he looks at you!" She says.  
A buff Latino man with black hair and tattoos suddenly joins and adds, "we talking about Negan's new boo?" He looks about your age, and had a friendly smile.  
"Guilty!" You say as you throw your hands up in fake surprise. "I'm Katie."   
"Oh trust me, I've heard about you! I'm Leo!" He says amicably as he points to you. "Negan won't stop talking about you! And have you seen the way he acts around you? Like a kid in a candy store." He laughs and takes a seat next to me so I'm in the middle.  
Simon adds, "Yeah, we always treat new people here like shit, and he won't let anyone else touch you!" He laughs.  
Before you even think about it, you chuckle and sarcastically say, "Well, almost no one else haha"   
At this, everyone at the table looks at you, wide eyed with fear. You then realize you have forgotten that no one else is used to your self deprecating humor. You always make borderline depressing jokes about yourself. It's how you cope. But they don't know this.  
"Damn, I was just kidding y'all. If no ones gonna make fun of me then I will!" You say as you release a laugh that allows them to follow suit in laughter.  
Suddenly you feel pairs of eyes on you that make you uncomfortable. In the distance you can hear your name being mentioned among snickers. You look back and see a group of women in tight black dresses. They are tables away, but you can feel their eyes trailing up and down every bit of your body. You raise your eyebrow curiously, wondering who they are and why they're being rude.  
Just then a blonde one says, "I see why he's interested, she looks easy."  
Another woman replies, "Yeah, you can tell she wasn't exactly starving during this." At this, all the women at the table burst into laughter.  
You immediately look down at your feet, tears welling in your eyes. You had always been insecure about your body. You'd been teased about your boobs and hips since you were in middle school. You were far from overweight, but you carried most of your fat in your chest and hips. You had the legs of an athlete, lean, strong, you could run for miles and still have the energy to do more. You'd always prided yourself on your strength and muscles and what you could do, but now you feel ugly. Sure, you weren't a stick, but those women looked like supermodels with their thin bodies. They didn't look strong, but it's the kind of body you'd see in a fashion show when you were young.   
You sigh, and notice that Morgan grabbed your hand.  
"Don't listen to them, they're just jealous. They decided to leave their families and husbands do be lazy sluts. You came here to work and sacrifice your freedom for your friends lives. That takes guts!"   
At this you smile.   
"So I hear you're a ballsy one... word on the street is you spit at Negan when you guys first met." Morgan said with a smile on her face.  
"Haha, yeah. I figured at that point I had nothing else to lose! Plus, he asked what else my mouth could do, so I showed him!"   
This immediately sends morgan into a fit of laughter.  
"Damn, I wish I could have seen it!" Leo says, joining in on the laughter.  
"It was pretty impressive. She's definitely a wild thing." Dwight adds with a smile.  
You finish your meal in peace, and offer to take up everyone's trays. As you pile the trays with food barely being kept up like jenga, you begin to walk towards the trash cans. You feel a foot from behind trip you, and you fall to the ground, least food toppling all over the floor and yourself. You then feel more food being dumped into your back, and look up to see none other than the four women in tight black dresses, their plates completely knocked over on top of you.  
They giggle silently, as the blonde one leans down to you and says, "Honey, you better be more careful around here..." before they drop their trays off and walk away. Only a few moments later you feel two sets of hands helping you up. Leo and Morgan are silently cussing to themselves. Dwight is trying to scrape food out of your hair and clothes while Simon attempts to clean up the mess on the floor. By now, everyone in the cafeteria witnessed the exchange and silently sneak glances at you.  
"Damnit! Those bitches! I'm gonna kill one of them I swear! They think they're so much better than us!" Morgan says, face full of anger, as she wipes my face clean of the remnants of beans and chicken.  
"They're so jealous... it's pathetic." Leo says, a sympathetic expression on his face.  
"Seriously, I know we haven't had the best start, but do you need any help? I can tell Negan?" Simon says, genuine sincerity from his voice.  
"No guys, I'm seriously fine, and don't tell Negan. I can take care of myself. Just, it's nice to know I have some friends here... you guys are my friends right?" You ask.  
You hear a chorus of "of course" and "definitely" before your frown turns into a smile.  
"Good. Not being alone here is the only thing I need. If I have you guys, then who cares about a few petty girls." You add, shrugging your shoulders.  
"Exactly. They won't get away with that shit if we see it. You're gonna have us as body guards now." Dwight adds with a laugh.  
"Great, that sounds fun. I'll be like the president. Now, if you don't mind, could you assist me to my room? I hear black beans are a great conditioner, but I'm looking for something a little less meaty today." You say with a laugh to all of them.  
They laugh as they walk you back to your room, and you thank them as you close the door and head towards the shower.  
Well, not the greatest situation, but at least you have some friends.


	7. Invitation

As you are running your fingers through your locks and trying for what feels like the 100th time to get the beans completely washed out, you hear footsteps outside your bathroom again. You hear a knock at the door and the creak of the door slowly being opened.  
"BRUHHHHH!" You scream as you panic and crouch down in the shower, sitting on the floor with your hands covering every part of your body.  
Yep you notice bits of chicken still on the floor of the shower. He can't see this. Or you.  
"GET OUT!" You yell angrily.  
"I'm not even lookin darlin I just wanna talk!" He says, fully turning his back to you.  
"At least get me a towel or something! Jesus!" You yell, still completely huddled in the corner.  
He steps back and hands you a white towel, his back still turned to you as you wrap the towel around your body.  
"And you couldn't talk after I showered?" You ask, voice full of fear in case he notices the small bits of chicken and beans in the shower.   
"You've been in the shower for two hours, I got worried."  
Two hours? There's absolutely no way I've been here for two hours! That's impossible. He notices your wide eyes.  
"I know what happened today, sweetie."  
"What are you talking about?" You attempt to sound confused, but in vain.  
"The whole damn cafeteria saw it, and you didn't think not one person would tell me?" He says, hands on his hips.  
"I can fight my own battles, it's nothing." You say as you attempt to walk past him, but he grabs your arm, firmly holding it in his strong hands, but not painfully.  
"I know you can, but that still doesn't change the fact that you were disrespected in my home." He says, his voice faltering between anger and sympathy. "I guess they didn't take the news that well." He whispered.  
"What news?"  
"Well, when I went to fuck the shit out of one of my wives, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I didn't feel a connection anymore."  
"Well, did you tell her that?"  
"Sure as shit, and of course she was confused and asked why. I said I wanted to be seeing someone else and she was angry. She stormed right out and I guess went to the other girls about it."  
"So that's why I was jumped with some chicken and beans..." you sarcastically say as you look at him in mock surprise.  
"I'm sorry darlin. You didn't ask for any of this."  
"Oh my gosh, you think this was a big deal? It was basically just the beginning of high school again! You really think after everything I went through a little push and shove would send me over? Damn Negan, I thought you knew me!" You say with a laugh as he tightens his grip on your arm. You look down at his hand and back up at him.  
"I know you can handle this, I just don't like how they're treating ya here is all. They're not the nicest, or the brightest-"  
"Yeah I know. I think the smartest thing that's ever come out of the blonde one's mouth is your dick." You say. He laughs and pulls you into a hug.  
"See, that's what I like to hear." He says, a deep hum in the back of his throat. You lean into his embrace, accepting his warmth and laying your head on his chest when you remember you're only in a towel.  
"Hey, Negan?"  
"Yeah, doll?"  
"I'm only in my towel."  
"Yeah?"  
You can basically feel his devilish grin on top of your head. He begins kissing you on the cheek, and slowly begins to move his kisses to your neck. He switches between kissing and sucking before he unexpectedly slips a hand under your towel to your chest. Before he is able to really feel anything, you quickly try to back up and slip over the water. You fall again to the ground, the towel barely (but still) covering your body.  
"What's wrong?" He seems genuinely confused as to why you stopped.  
"Well I'd like a little warning, I haven't finished showering, I'm not wearing clothes, I-"  
"You don't need clothes for that, hon." He says with a grin.  
"Look, I'm still a little upset from the whole lunch incident. Yes, I can handle myself, but it was embarrassing. I looked like an idiot in front of everyone. I'm still embarrassed..." you look down at your barely clad body, "and being surprised with you being a horndog took me off guard."  
"A horndog?" He laughs at the weird saying.  
"What I'm trying to say is that you're used to all that stuff whenever you want, with whoever you want. These girls are always willing for it any time. You were my first kiss, you can't just sneak up on me like that." You say, clutching the towel to your body.  
"Damn, I didn't even think about it like that. I don't mean to scare ya darlin, I forget you're not used to that, you're just too perfect not to wanna touch." He says, a smile on his face. "How about, I plan a nice dinner. I'll pick ya up, plan it, get ya a nice dress, and we'll just have a nice relaxing time. Just you and me."  
"That sounds fun. But, does that mean..." you look off uncomfortably into the distance.  
"Mean what? That I gotta fuck ya?"  
"You have a way with words..."  
"It doesn't mean anything. I don't want you to feel forced. I like ya, I'm not gonna fuck it up. As much as I wanna take ya right now, ya need your time to actually think about these things. You were on the road for some of high school, you probably didn't have much time for crushes or scandals huh?"  
You shake your head no.  
"Well, since you've never been on a proper date I'm gonna take you on one, okay? No incentive or secret spin. I just wanna get to know ya darlin." He says as he scratches his beard.  
"Okay, that actually sounds nice." You say, feeling your cheeks redden against your will, and he notices your blush with a proud grin.  
"Okay, now finish your shower. I have some business to attend to, and a dress I gotta find for ya." He says as he helps you up and heads out the door.  
You once again get into the shower and turn on the warm shower.  
A date? Damn. Romance isn't dead.


	8. Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GET SOME GIRL

As you finally get rid of every food remnant from your body, you turn the shower off and wrap your hair in a towel. It took forever to get completely clean, but now you smell the freshest you've ever been, even before the apocalypse. You give off a strong orange and lavender smell, an intoxicating fruit blend that gives nothing but happy vibes. You wipe your hand against the foggy mirror to create a small dewy image of yourself. Your eyebrows are slightly fuller than you remembered, but overall you look relatively pretty. You dry yourself off before you put on a clean pair of underwear, your ur bra, a pair of sweatpants and Negan's t shirt. You walk out of the bathroom and notice a small bag left on your bed. You walk over, pull apart the strings, and look at the contents. A full tube of black mascara, a subtle pink blush, and a sultry red lipstick sit at the bottom.  
How did he get these? What the hell? I haven't seen makeup in years! You pick up the blush and open the small container to see a circular pressed powder that has a slightly peachy color. You lightly run your index finger across the surface of the blush, and push the powder onto the outside of your wrist. It's a beautiful rose, peachy color with a light sparkle added to it. Even before the apocalypse, yes u can tell this must have been hard to get. You smile at the swatch on your hand, God you used to do this in the makeup stores all the time.  
You hear a knock at the door and jump as you hear a deep female voice call your name. Morgan! You run to answer it and open it up to see a smiling morgan holding a large duffle bag.   
"Surprise delivery!" Morgan says as she steps in the door and sets the bag down on the bed.  
"What is it?" You ask, curiosity nearly killing you to find out.  
"Well, Negan told me to help you get ready for tonight and said everything we need is in here!"  
She quickly unzips the bag and immediately sets her eyes on a pair of tall black pumps with a strap for your heel. You pull out the heels and examine them. They might be a little big, but you'll manage. Morgan gasps as she pulls out a pair of ruby red earrings, the gold finish glittering in your eyes. Damn. It's so pretty. All your awe and wonder is directed to a black dress she holds up, the back completely cut out and the front pretty revealing. Of course he picked this one. I can definitely fill it out. Lastly, she brings out a bottle of red nail polish.   
"Well, we better get to work, he'll be here in an hour!" She says calmly as she grabs the bottle of mascara and sits on the bed.  
"An hour?!? That's barely any time at all?!?"  
"Sit down! We'll make it! Just sit still and blink when I tell you to!" She says as you hear a wet sound as the mascara is uncapped. She finishes your makeup routine while you paint your nails and let them dry. After about 15 minutes of gossiping and giving your nails extra time to dry, she grabs a hold of the dress.  
"Well it looks like I'm gonna have to go braless for this one, morgan." You release a laugh as she looks to you.  
"Oh he definitely picked this one for a reason!" You both laugh as you undress. She zips you up and begins putting on your right shoe while you put your earrings in. You reapply your lipstick one more time before you run to the mirror. You look like a goddess. Your hair falling over your chest while your doe eyes seem even larger, you look like a work of art.  
"Holy shit, you look amazing..." morgan says as she looks you up and down. You barely have enough time to thank her before you hear a knock at the door. Morgan opens it and in steps Negan. He's wearing his normal pair of jeans, but he has a black button up shirt that is slightly unbuttoned at the top. His hair is somehow even more majestic, and he is sporting the same devilish smile as always. He takes one look at you before he rubs his left hand against his salt and pepper beard and widens his grin.  
"God DAMN you are gorgeous!" He says enthusiastically as he struts over to you and lifts you off the ground. You giggle as he swings you around, his arms firmly gripping your waist. He presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.  
"Morgan, I can't thank you enough. Isn't she just the hottest thing you've ever seen?" He yells as he puts an arm around your waist.  
"It's all her, sir." Morgan winks at me while Negan begins tickling the side of your waist.   
"Well, if you'll excuse us, I gotta be takin my lady to our date!" Negan says as you squeeze past morgan and he leads you by hand around the hallways.   
He eventually leads you to a very small room that's filled with candles and lanterns. It has large windows, a couch, a table with two chairs, and little strings of lights hanging everywhere. On the table are two plates of spaghetti with meatballs, a bottle of wine, and a basket of garlic bread.  
It's beautiful.   
He must see your obvious surprise and happiness as he leans in and whispers, "I didn't know what was your favorite, but you seemed pretty excited about the garlic bread when you got here." He winks as you envelop him in a tight hug. You have tears in your eyes. It's like an actual date. No one has every asked you on a date before, and if they had, you wouldn't have expected anything as thought out as this! "Thank you..." you whisper in his ear as her begins rubbing up and down your back.  
"Damnit girl! You're turning me on already! I can't even feed ya spaghetti without gettin a boner, what are you doin to me?" He laughs as he breaks the hug and pulls back a seat for you to sit in.  
You graciously accept and sit down while he sits directly across from you. He grabs the bottle of wine and pours a tall glass for you, the dark red liquid falling graciously.  
"You ever even had alcohol, darlin?" He asks with a smile as he begins pouring his own glass.  
"No, haha. I was always more focused on school I guess!" You answer as you take a sip of the mystery liquid.  
Hmmm, it tastes like grape juice, but a little more bitter. It's not bad at all!   
"Well, shit! This might hit ya quick then!" He says with a laugh as he takes a sip of his wine and pulls out a flask and takes a drink from it too.  
"What's that?" You ask.  
"This here's bourbon. It's the strong stuff. I don't think you'll like this darlin."  
"Can I try it?"  
His grin widens as he hands over the flask to you. You take a larger swig than you thought, and immediately begin coughing on the brown liquid.  
"Ugh that's disgusting!" You say with a raspy voice as he continues laughing.  
"You think that's disgusting, you should try moonshine..." he says as he rolls his eyes.  
"You have any?"  
"Damn, girl, you surprise me more and more every time huh? Well it's over on the shelf of you reaaaally wanna try it." He says with a sarcastic grin. You put down the flask and walk over to the shelf and search until you find a mason jar with a clear liquid labeled moonshine. You curiously pick it up and also grab the bottle that says rum. You bring them both over to the table.  
You pick up the moonshine first and open the top. Your nostrils are immediately assaulted with a burning feeling and it smells like gasoline. Furrowing your eyebrows, you bring it to your lips and take a gulp.   
What is that?!? You scrunch your face and you instinctively gag but swallow as you put your hand over your mouth.  
You quickly set the drink down and start coughing as Negan bursts out laughing.  
"What is that? Nail polish remover?!?" You question as you chug some of the wine down to save your taste buds.  
"What'd ya bring over with it? Is that the Malibu shit?" He asks, obviously confused.  
"Yeah, this is what I'd see outside of every party all the time when I went to pick up my brother. He'd sneak out all the time, and I learned how to drive at 13 so I could pick him up at parties."  
You laugh at the memories. He'd always be slurring but hugging you as you'd drag him to the car away from the multicolored lights in the house.   
He sees you smiling at the memory and pours out two shots. He grabs one glass and hands you the other.  
"To your brother." He says as he holds his up in the air.   
You grab your glass as you smile with him.  
"To Tim."  
You both clink glasses and down your shot. There's something very comforting about drinking it. Maybe it's the fact that it's bringing back memories of when your brother used to drink it or that you're actually having a good time with Negan, but you're happy.  
You both begin to eat your spaghetti and you soon notice that you're feeling a little dizzy. Not uncomfortably dizzy, but a little hazy. Your mind feels slightly foggy and you suddenly have the confidence to speak.  
"Was that your goal with spaghetti? Trying to get me to do some lady and the tramp shit?" You laugh as you bring another forkful of pasta to your mouth.  
"Nah, I don't need a movie about dogs to get you to want me." He says with a wicked grin.  
"Ya really think so, huh?"   
"Oh, I know so."  
At this point you're both basically finished with your meals and are sipping your third glass of wine.  
"Prove it." You say, slightly raising your eyebrows in a challenging manner.  
At this you hear the chair scraping against the wooden floor as he scoots back out of his seat and stands up, asserting his dominance as he practically towers over your small frame. You giggle as he picks you up and leads you over to the leather couch, gently placing you on it as he practically straddles you.  
You hate to admit it, but he's right. As much as you want to hate him for everything he's done, you're attracted to him.   
You release a giggle as you trace the buttons on his shirt.  
"How drunk are you?" He asks, laughing at your actions.  
"Well, I'm tipsy enough to want this and sober enough not to regret it." You say as you grab his collar and pull his face to yours.  
He smiles as he grabs your hair and brings you to him, placing hungry kisses on your lips as his other hand wanders around your body. His hand reaches your breast and focuses there, gently rubbing the area and kneading it between his calloused hands. At this, you unintentionally release a moan, and his eyes shoot to yours as they darken in lust and he grins.  
"You like that, darlin?" He asks as he continues this pattern on the left side and switches to the right. You release a series of moans and pants as he gives attention to your body that no one else has. You can hear your nails scratching the leather of the couch as you grip tighter, his kisses only getting stronger.   
He's now laying completely on top of you, and you can feel his hand going lower and lower, past the outline of your hips and underneath your dress. He grabs the elastic band of your panties and pulls them down to the top of your knees. You close your legs tight at the sudden exposure, not exactly sure how to react as your shyness takes over.  
"Darlin, if you don't wanna do this, that's ok with me." Negan says with a smile as he holds his hands up in a surrender position.  
"No! It's not that I don't want to do it, it's that I've never done anything like this before! Like I don't really know what to do." You say, looking down at the ground in embarrassment.  
"You don't have to do a damn thing. You're seriously telling me you haven't done anything? Ever?"   
You shrug as you nod your head yes.  
"Damn... I'm 110% more attracted to you now, you know that?" He says with a grin.  
"I am gonna warn ya though," he begins as he leans in closer and whispers in your ear, "this might hurt a lil bit. But I'll get ya warmed up. Just tell me if you're uncomfortable ok, doll?"   
"Ok!"  
You grab his hair again and begin kissing him as he begins the same routine again. His hand soon snakes back under your dress and around your already moved underwear, and he begins massaging your upper thigh. When he's finished, he begins massaging your bundle of nerves that sends shocks of lightning pleasure through your body. You instinctively jolt and release a deep moan, and he covers your mind ugh with his as you moan into his mouth. He then begins swirling his middle finger around the outside of your opening, gently teasing it before he suddenly dips the finger inside. You feel an uncomfortable pressure and tightness around the foreign digit, and your face slightly scrunched in a pained expression. He notices your discomfort, and uses his free hand to massage your neck muscles as he whispers, "I know, darlin, I know."  
The discomfort you feel only grows as he pushes his finger fully inside of you. You're right, not used to this. You slightly squirm underneath him and accidentally release a small cry of pain you didn't know you were holding in. His expression changes to concern as he takes in your pain, clearly upset that you aren't enjoying this. He begins gently rubbing your cheek as he adds another finger.   
At this, you grunt and release a small tear and quickly wipe it, hoping he didn't notice. You sadly notice he did as he takes your chin in his hand, gently rubbing it, as he continues whispering, "I know, baby, I know. I'm gonna make it better I promise."  
He then begins rubbing your bundle of nerves again, and your body begins slowly releasing its tension. The pressure soon turns more comfortable as you feel you feel it build in your stomach. You know have a warm pleasurable feeling in your stomach as he continues caressing the bundle and moving his fingers in a rhythm.  
Panting, you feel your body tighten, and feel as if you're about to explode.  
"Let go, darlin. You're okay. You're okay. You're safe." He says as he continues kissing you. You continue morning his name until you feel your body shift.  
Suddenly your body tightens around his fingers as you feel a hot pleasure course through your entire body. His name is being swallowed in his kiss along with your cries of pleasure as you hold onto him for support. As you begin to come down from your high, you notice that you are being held by Negan, who is completely supporting your body to his as the waves of pleasure begin to subside.  
"That was the hottest thing I've ever seen!" He says with a laugh as he continues placing tiny kisses to your neck.  
"You won't believe what the full thing is like..." he says with a wicked grin.  
"Can we go somewhere more... private?" You say, motioning towards his room as he smiles. He grabs you and stands you both up. He begins walking you both to the door, but you realize with embarrassment that your knees dip dramatically as you attempt to take your first steps and he turns around and catches you with a laugh.  
"We haven't even gotten to the fun part and you can't walk?!?" He asks, still keeled over in laughter supporting you.  
"Shut up! You did this! This is your fault!" You laugh as he picks you up in his arms and carries you out the door. He brings you around the hallways until you see a familiar door that he opens.  
You're gently placed on his bed as he turns around and locks the door. He gives you that devilish grin as he begins unbuttoning his shirt.   
"Now's the real fun, darlin." He says as he winks.  
Damn, and you can't wait.


	9. Win

You sigh when you finally lay your eyes on his strong chest, his tan, toned body on display in front of you. Soon you hear a jingle as he undoes his belt and throws is to the side. At this point, he's a few feet from the bed and you motion for him to stop what he's doing. He first holds a face of fear, as he thinks he has done something wrong; however, it quickly changes to relief when you strut to where he is standing and begin to work on his pants. You begin to unbutton some of the buttons while he picks you up by your thighs, carrying you much quicker this time as he practically throws you on the bed.  
"A little eager for something?" You sarcastically say to him, noticing his increasing desperation to remove his pants as he flings them sideways. He walks over to you and grabs the ends of your dress and lifts it over your body, you breasts bouncing free, only your underwear remaining. He humps on top of you, straddling you in a pair of boxers, and grabs your knees as he drags you to the edge of the bed. He forces your thighs open as you release a nervous cry. He smiles wickedly and licks his lips as his head travels south. You jump as his teeth graze your inner thigh and you feel him bite your panties. He drags them down your body, purposefully taking his time to torture you. When they are completely off your legs, he begins peppering kisses along the inside of your knees, quads, thighs, until he finally is a few inches from your newly discovered center. You can feel his hot breath on you, and you feel yourself becoming undone.  
"Damn, you're still wet! Good, cause I'm still hungry for dessert..." he says as you feel his mouth close on top of your bundle of nerves. You automatically release a cry of pleasure, still sensitive from your previous encounter only minutes before. His tongue is swirling patterns around you, and you realize he is mapping your body, noting which parts really make you lose it. He takes careful notes as he feels your body pulsate underneath him. For the second time that night, you are taken my surprise as your body is ripped with pleasure and you feel another orgasm hit you hard. You're panting and sweating as you call out his name. You come down from your high once again, and notice him grinning above you as he moves over your body once again.  
"Damn darlin you taste so good. I could eat you all day..." he says as he licks his lips.  
You want to impress him, so you grab his face and begin making out again, only this time you have a surprise in mind. He doesn't even notice your hand as it begins to snake lower, until he gasps as your hand dips underneath his boxers. The skin to skin contact sends him into a frenzy, his eyes dilated wildly as he looks at you with surprise, but enthusiasm. You grab hold of his rock hard member as you begin to cards the soft skin. He catches his breath as you gently bring your hand to the tip, your thumb spreading the drew droplets there over his throbbing member. You begin rubbing up and down in a rhythm before he grabs you hand, stopping you.  
You look down in confusion and embarrassment. What did you do wrong?   
He sees your hesitation and laughs.  
"You did great, honey. I just didn't want the fun to end before it even began." He says as he takes off his boxers completely, his erection huge in the light.  
You're not exactly sure how he'll fit, or if he'll fit. I mean... he's HUGE. And not just like big for a first time... I mean big for EVERY time. Your wide eyes must have been a sign of your anxiety, as he grabs your face with both hands and whispers, "it'll only hurt for a second. I promise."  
He gently pushes you down to lay flat on the bed, and he goes in a push up position on top of you. Your skin is on fire, the little connection it has with his completely sets you ablaze as you want him so badly.   
You close your eyes, trying to block out the pain you know you will feel in a few moments.  
"Darlin, do you trust me?"  
"What?" You answer, caught off guard.  
"Do you trust me?"  
"Well, yeah of course, I think that's why I'm letting you take my virginity."   
"Do you trust me to be gentle with you?"  
"Yes."  
"Are you afraid of me?"  
At this he looks deep into your eyes, a new expression in them as you can practically see thousands of thoughts swimming in his mind.  
"No." He continues looking, expecting you to retract your statement, but you don't. You're not afraid of him. You never were. You trust him, more than you should, but you trust him.  
He lowers himself to be lined up with your center, and you feel him at your entrance. He begins entering you slowly, letting your body adjust to his size. You bite your bottom lip and furrow your eyebrows, the uncomfortable feeling coming back. He keeps sinking into you until you feel him meet a resistance. As soon as he barely touched it, you gasped in pain and your body tensed.  
He grabs your hand and kisses your neck.  
"Do you want me to keep going?"  
You swallow the pain you feel.  
"Yes, just hurry."  
At this, he immediately thrusts, the flesh breaking and his body sinks into yours fully. You release a cry of pain and hold your breath sharply, as you feel your body hurt for only a few seconds. At this, Negan grabs your waist and gives your forehead kisses, whispering, "I know... I'm sorry" over and over until you feel your body has adjusted to him. He pulls out completely, before thrusting back into you again. You clench your teeth again, the discomfort there but the tension eased. This goes on for a few minutes before you feel the last of your pain subside, and you feel a heat growing in your abdomen. You finally release a moan, and notice Negan's attention shoot back to your face as he smiles when he notices your change of feeling.  
"That's it, Katie." He says as he begins pounding into you harder and faster. You feel yourself coming close to the edge, both of you sweating and panting as he whispers into your ear, "Say my name. Say my name when you come."  
You know you're close as you can barely murmur, "N-Ne". You soon can feel yourself at the threshold of pleasure.   
"Come on, baby, say it!" At this, Negan once again caresses that bundle of nerves that sets you over the edge, your body electrified with pleasure. You scream his name through cries of pleasure as your body takes his fully as you feel him come with you.  
He collapses on you, fully exhausted from riding waves of pleasure. You wrap your legs around his waist as he envelops your body below him. Your breathing returns to normal as you feel his warmth leave you.  
You release a whine as you notice he is grabbing the covers and pulling them over the both of you.  
"What, you're so needy already?" He says with a laugh as he wraps his arms around you and tosses the covers on top. His hand snaked to your inner thigh again as he begins touching you. Your body jolts in pleasure as you hiss at the sudden contact. He laughs as within seconds you release again, your body shaking as he holds onto you through your orgasm.   
"I know you better than you know yourself. I can play you like a violin." He finishes with a laugh as you sigh sarcastically and roll your eyes. "Ya wanna bet?" He says as he once again places his hand on your throbbing sex, you immediately jolt with pleasure again at the unexpected touch, and he laughs.  
"Fine, fine, you win! I just won't be able to sleep with you constantly touching me!" You laugh as he withdraws his hand and places it on your hip, giving you a tight squeeze.  
"I always win." He says with a smirk.


	10. Yeah, Darlin?

You wake with the familiar feel of an arm wrapped protectively around your waist as your eyes adjust to the light streaming through the window. You blink rapidly, noticing how radiant it is outside. It must be past noon!   
"Negan! Get up!" You yell as you sit up and aggressively shake his body in alarm.  
"What the shit?" He groggily asks, as his eyes dart open and he sits up to look at you.  
"You overslept!" You worrily say, staring wide eyed at his relaxing demeanor.  
"I took off today, darlin. There's not too much to do around here today."  
"Oh." You look down in embarrassment and apology as he puts his hands at your shoulders.  
"You afraid someone's gonna barge in here in our birthday suits?" He laughs as he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead.  
"No, I just didn't want you to miss anything important."  
"I'm not gonna miss anything important, because you're here." He says as he plants a chaste kiss on your cheek and he starts to get up from the bed.  
"Hey, Negan?"  
"Yeah, darlin?"  
"You might want to get these washed, asap."  
He turns around to see you pointing at the sheets, a large, rust colored stain appeared where you pointed.  
"Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it." He says with a smile as he puts on a pair of navy blue boxers.  
"Hey, Negan?"  
Yeah, darlin?"  
"Can I go on a supply run soon? I miss lookin for stuff and bein out in the woods."  
"Sure, darlin. I guess you're still sure ya don't wanna be my wife."  
"Yeah, not yet at least." You say with a wink as you shimmy into a t shirt and put on your underwear.   
"Hey, Negan?"  
"What now, darlin?" He says sarcastically as he turns around and puts his hands on his hips.  
"You sick of me yet?" You smile sarcastically as he runs and tackles you onto the bed, throwing you both into fits of laughter. You laugh as he hovers over you, gripping the sheets, corralling you between him and the sheets, still stained and reeking of sex.  
"As soon as that head of yours is better, the two of us will go out together scavenging, sound good?"  
"Yeah!" You reply, genuinely excited to spend more time with him and do what you love. "When will that be?"   
"A week, at least." He replies nonchalantly.  
At this, you throw him off of you.  
"A WEEK?!?"  
"I'm not gonna risk you getting hurt a second time. Ok?"   
"Ok." You begrudgingly agree as he puts on his jeans and a shirt and gives you some pants.  
"How about we head on and get some dinner, and I'll be your personal bodyguard so no one will try to rice and bean ya like they did last time." He winks as you dress.  
"Is that a phrase now? 'Rice and bean'? Like is it a verb now for when your wives get jealous of me?" You reply sarcastically which makes Negan release a deep laugh.  
"Damn, that mouth of yours." He says as he takes your hand and walks you out the door.


	11. I'm Sorry, Negan

A week passes, and although you don't feel your best, you put on a facade so you can go into the woods.  
"No really I feel great!" You chime as you put your hands on your hips in a know it all manner as your eyes plead for him to listen.  
Negan stares into your unwavering eyes as he sighs and places a hand on his face, covering his eyes. You sneak up to him and move your fingers to part his, peeking into his eyes with a cheeky smile.  
"Fine." He murmurs as you squeal in excitement in the lunchroom, pairs of eyes falling on you as Negan put his hands on his shoulders to try to calm you down. You continue jumping up and down and, despite his efforts, his hands fall with a chuckle in surrender.   
By now, the table of Negan's wives is looking directly at you, grimaces painting their faces as you watch them.  
You see Simon and Dwight chuckle as Leo puts a hand over his mouth, stifling his laughter. At this, morgan releases a loud whistle at you two, and Negan sighs with a laugh.  
"Can we go now, please?" You beg.  
"I guess, lets get our stuff." He chuckles as he puts an arm around you and leads you from the cafeteria to the armory.  
Your relationship had grown. And when things happen, everyone finds out. Negan hadn't seen his wives since you arrived, and they were livid.   
As you reach the weapons, Negan grabs your shoulders with a serious expression, and you wrinkle your forehead in confusion.  
"Darlin, things have changed out there. We're just gonna look for game, alright? No wandering off. Don't stay more than a few feet away from me. And most importantly, don't be a dumbass." He smiles as he grips your hand, giving it a light kiss as you blush.  
"Oh my god, look at the arrows!" You cry as you set your eyes on about 20 feathered arrows, a certain glimmer in the tip that really gets you excited.   
"You shoot?" He asks, taken aback.  
"Yeah, I used to be a camp counselor for a few summers and taught archery when staff was low. I love them." You bubble, your eyes glimmering at the sight.  
"Well, if you like em so much, they're yours." He grabs a beautifully made bow and gives it to you as you hug him.  
You can practically feel him smiling as he pulls you to him, and squeeze him tightly as you thank him.  
He of course, takes a nice looking gun with a bag of rounds.  
You are practically skipping as you approach the large metal gate, and release a gasp when you are able to see the woods again. Negan laughs at your reaction, but you're too busy soaking in the beauty to notice.  
"Its beautiful!" You cry as he puts an arm around you and leads you out the gates, shutting behind you.  
You close your eyes as he leads you into the forest, inhaling deeply as you take in the beautiful trees around you. Negan all but laughs at you.  
"You are just the sweetest ya know that?" He chuckles as he takes your lips in his. You smile in response.  
You are both distracted when you hear a crack in the distance and see a slight movement. You didn't know you had been walking so far, but you are at least a mile in, surrounded completely by trees. You see the quick movement of horns as Negan smiles.  
"Stay right behind me, alright. We're gonna run and jump it." He says, convinced he doesn't have to use weapons to take down a deer.  
"You're gonna wrestle it to death?" You giggle.  
"You'll see, just try to keep up!" He whispers as he takes off running in a sprint. You run after him, after the jogging of the deer as you hear a whistle. It's not loud at all, and you stop running.  
Negan was s considerable distance ahead, and he had only looked behind once to make sure you were with him.  
You hear the four note whistle again, and take out your bow, slinking an arrow in place just in case.  
"Who is that?" You yell, looking around you quickly in every direction.  
You hear nothing but the whistle of the wind in your ear, the rustle of leaves in the cool breeze.  
Suddenly you feel yourself being pushed down as a man jumps on your back from a tree. He wears all black, and a bandanna over his mouth. He has you pinned to the ground, and you see a second man drop from a nearby tree.   
"NEGAAAA-" you are cut off by a punch to the face, and you can instantly feel a bruise forming.  
"Shut the fuck up. Do it again, and you're dead." He whispers to you in a raspy voice as he takes out a blade. It has odd edges, and is over ten inches long. It looks evil, having little teeth. The other man has a machete, somehow even more frightening as it is stained with droplets of a dried rust colored substance. Blood.  
"What do you want?" You whisper, your voice hardly present.  
"Are you a savior?" The one with a machete hisses as the other presses the knife to your throat, drawing blood.  
"No, no I j-"  
"Then why were you with him?"  
You can feel streaks of blood running down your neck, the pressure on your neck increasing.  
"My group was captured and he took me back to h-"  
"So you ARE one of them?"   
"No no NO! I j-"  
"I'll tell you what, if you listen to our instructions, we won't cut off your other hand." The one with the blade to your throat actually grunts.  
"That's not... what do you mean other?" You cry, tears running down your face. As the man with the knife to your neck grabs your wrist and holds it out.  
"The first one isn't negotiable, it's just to illustrate how serious this is..." the man says as he raises his machete.  
"NOOOOO!" You scream as the knife reaches its peak.  
"Do it!"   
"Wait! I can explain!"  
"Do it!"  
You see the other man hesitate, but he starts to bring it down.  
You close your eyes and release a cry, expecting to feel a sharp pain, but feel nothing as you hear a bullet echo near you.   
You look up to see the machete man slumped on the ground, a puddle of red forming around him already.  
The other man instantly yanks you back by the hair, holding you in front of him as a shield as Negan holds a gun level at you.  
"Let her go." He grumbles, his hand not wavering, solely focused on the man holding a knife to your throat.  
"Let me go, and I will." He mumbles as he yanks your hair, you unintentionally release a yelp as your head jerks back and you see Negan growing angry.  
"Not gonna happen." Negan whispers, and you immediately cry out as the man presses the knife hard into your throat, blood pooling at the side of your neck.  
"Stop! Alright. You have ten seconds, alright?" Negan yells as the man nods his head in understanding.  
"I'm closing my eyes. Ten seconds. Ten... nine... eigh-" he is cut short as you cry out, feeling a sharp sensation at your neck. You cry out and hold your hands to your neck, blood spilling, but lucky. He missed the artery. He sliced the side of your neck, as you turned with the blade as he tried to slit your throat. Not fatal, yet. You just can't lose too much blood regardless.  
The man already has a head start running as Negan opens his eyes and takes five shots at him, one hitting his leg.  
He looks to you, gasping on the floor with your hands trying to keep the blood from leaving you too quickly, and then looks to the man. He looks as if he's going to spring after him, but then something odd fills his eyes. It's a mixture of care and fright, and it looks almost as if he loves you.  
"No, no no stay with me. Stay with me, alright? Katie? Katie darlin you gotta stay with me."   
You hadn't noticed that your eyes had been fluttering until he said that. You're so dizzy, so tired. You just want to rest.   
You try to speak, but can't quite get the words out as you cough and gasp.  
"Damnit if you'd just stayed right behind me... FUCK." He yells to the sky as he picks you up, sprinting towards the compound again.  
Your eyes begin closing again as he squeezes your hip while carrying you. You jolt awake.  
"There you go, there you go Katie just keep fightin."   
The wind is moving so quickly through your hair, it feels like you're flying. All the green colors are mixing together like s kaleidoscope as your eyes roll.  
"I'm sorry, Negan." Is all you can manage to croak before you are met with complete darkness, numb to the world.


	12. Promises

You come to as you look up and see bright lights and hear the faint hum of shouting. You're moving, down a brightly lit hallway as several people around you scream instructions. You feel pressure on your neck, and realize Negan is standing above you, running with the doctor and volunteers to try to stop your bleeding. You feel the stickiness all over your body, and lift up your hand to see what looks like your hand is covered in a long, maroon glove. Only it's not a glove. It's blood.   
"Jesus Christ you're back with us. DOC SHES BACK!" Negan shouts as the doctor looks to you in surprise and happiness.  
Your head lulls back and forth, trying to stay steady but failing. You feel Negan kissing your hand as he grabs hold of it, and you are brought into a bright white room.  
Everything is blurry, but you see the doctor hovering over you with something in his hands, and a grim look on his face.  
Negan nods at him in understanding.  
"Now I'm going to have to knock you out to help you, alright?" The doctor murmurs.  
You try to nod your head, but you're too weak.  
"This will only hurt for a second." He finishes.  
An excruciating pain fills your body and you let out a harsh, high pitched scream, before everything fades to black.

You wake up to feel something soft beneath you. You're on Negan's bed again. You look down in confirmation as the fluffy mattress sinks beneath your weight. You lift your hand to your neck to feel several layers of gauze, some soaked through. You've been sweating, as you can feel that familiar stickiness mixed along with the odd feeling of dried blood.  
A cough draws you from your thoughts, and you look to your left to see Negan in a wooden chair, looking directly at you with a look of relief.  
"They thought you weren't gonna make it at first. They said he didn't hit anything, but you lost too much blood, and you had an infection from the knife he cut you with."   
His eyes have a sadness you've never seen in them before, as he sighs and continues.  
"I brought you here to die. I figured that if you went, you would want to go with someone you love with you. I know you're afraid of being alone. You don't have to say it for me to know it. I just didn't want you to leave this world not knowing you were loved."  
You begin crying, from which part exactly you're not sure. Maybe it's the exhaustion, or the near kiss of death, or the fact that he understands you, but you sob.  
He gets up from the wooden chair and sits down on the mattress.  
"I said this in the woods and you didn't listen, but I need you to listen to me and promise me something." He asks and looks to you as you gently nod your head.  
"Never leave me again. Ever."  
He takes you into his arms as you listen to his heartbeat again.   
You're alive.  
He's alive.  
You're both alive and together.


	13. Scars

The next few days are a combination of rest and recovery.  
You really were near death. Too close. But you made it. Slowly the gauze layers lessened with the pain killers until eventually there was only one thin layer separating the world from your once life threatening wound.  
You don't even want to begin to think about the scar it will leave.  
The infection had left after a few days of fever and dehydration, and Negan stayed at your side for the entire struggle. Now he really didn't want to lose you. He almost had.  
Some days you would wake up with him asleep in the rocking chair. Other days he would be stroking your hair right beside you on the mattress.  
His wives came to deliver regular meals and you laughed at their jealousy. Even with yourself being injured and unavailable, Negan refused to sleep with his wives. They were extremely aggravated at this, but had no choice other than to politely bring you two your meals.  
Soon, you removed the bandage to see what lay beneath it. Negan grasped your hand as you held the mirror tightly, and gazed upon your injury.  
A large, thick cut spread from under your left ear to the middle of your throat, the horizontal stripe deep. It was about six inches long, a clean swipe. It was a deep burgundy color, and somehow made you look even more badass than you already felt.  
You thought you would cry, scream, hate yourself. You thought it would make you look less beautiful. In reality, it did the opposite. You smiled as it added an edge to your dangerous looks. You had survived a lot, and now there was visible proof. There is a story on your body. You made it again. You're alive.  
You had forgotten that Negan was holding your hand until he squeezed it. "Ya alright, doll?" He asked, voice hesitant and filled with concern.  
"Yeah, just getting used to it." You smile as you run your fingers over the raised patch of skin as Negan carefully analyzes your reaction.  
"I hope you think it looks as good as I do." Negan huffs as he places his hand under your chin.  
"You just like it because it's a reminder of you being right..." you giggle as he wraps his arm around you.  
"Well, that, and it reminds me that you're here. That you survived and you will survive."  
He kisses your forehead as you drift to sleep in his arms.


	14. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING YALL THIS IS A DARK FUCKIN CHAPTER.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, suicide attempt.   
> Don't worry y'all I'm not in a bad state or anything. I've beaten my mental demons, and you can too. Everything will be alright with this character, I just thought I would bring forth the ever present issue of mental health and suicide awareness and prevention in modern day, and I thought it would be interesting to see that aspect in the walking dead world. If anyone needs any help at all, please talk to me or a loved one. I love you, I'm here for you, and we can fight this together. I've lost too many important people to this, and I want everyone in this community to know that you are loved. There are so many resources out there. Here is one below if you lovelies would like to talk to someone 24/7.
> 
> 1-800-273-TALK  
> www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

The next few days go by painfully slow. You practically begged Negan to let you work again, and that only got you garden duty.   
As you begin harvesting some bay leaves, you hear the crunch of footsteps behind you as a heavy pair of boots approach.  
"How's workin?" He enthusiastically states as you turn around to see him grinning arrogantly.  
"Terrible. If I wanted to be so deep in dirt I would have killed myself by now." You apathetically state as you dust your hands off onto your jeans, small particles of soil and dirt falling effortlessly back into the garden. You stand quickly and attempt to walk past him, but to no avail.  
He grabs your arm, roughly twisting it to get your attention.  
"Ow! Hey!" You yell, shocked at his behavior. You immediately jerk your arm away from him, rubbing it gently as you look into his eyes with complete shock.  
"Don't say shit like that, or I'll have to lock ya away." He says, grabbing your shoulders, a look of genuine concern on his face.  
"What shit? Suicide? Oh please, we live in a world of zombies and that freaks you out?" You sarcastically laugh as you shimmy away from his touch, still angry.  
"Yeah. No more of that humor."  
"And what if it wasn't humor? What then?"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Come on, you haven't felt that helpless yet? Don't tell me I'm the only one that's considered? I mean, I had depression before this whole shitshow so it's nothing new t-"  
"You were suicidal?" He interrupts, eyes wide in horror and anger.  
"Years ago, yeah. I mean I don't have my meds anymore so it's kind of a swift change of emotions. Of course I did consider it."  
"You, you never told me you felt that way..." he looks down in anger and sadness.  
"Well it's because you would treat me like this. You're acting like I'm some crazy person that needs to be in mental!" You raise your voice, now actually getting very angry.  
"I'm not treating you like that!"  
"You are! Look at you! I already know what you're thinking!"  
"And WHATS THAT?!?" He shouts in anger. By now, all the other workers have noticed your heated discussion and cleared the area. It's only the two of you, standing toe to toe, yelling at each other.  
"You think I'm crazy now! You're wondering right now if I'm still thinking about doing it! About killing myself!"  
You try to walk away but he grabs your arm, swinging you around roughly, effectively grabbing your attention.  
For a few moments he just stares at you.  
"Really? You still are wondering that?" You ask, your face scrunched, chest heaving. You're livid.  
"Of course I fucking am!"  
"Oh really?"  
"That's so... weak... cowardly! You could never do that!"  
"It's not any of those things! You don't understand!"  
"Oh, I understand well enough. My girl is fucking suicidal!"  
"Oh, please. If I wanted to kill myself recently I would have done it already. Probably in the little cupboard you put me in when you brought me here. Or maybe when you were driving us here I could've jumped out when we hit 60 on a backroad. But that might not have worked I might have survived. Maybe when you left me alone to shower, or maybe in the woods!"  
"You're talking like a fucking idiot, knock it off. You're wasting my time." At this, he takes a step forward towards you.  
"If I'm that much of a waste then maybe I'll go back to weapons right now and load a chamber and-"  
He cuts you off with a sharp slap to the face, sending your neck to the right, your hair flying as it follows the sharp direction. Your palm immediately goes to your left cheek, feeling the tingling burn as a bright red color forms in the shape of a hand. You taste a metallic greasy feeling in your mouth, only to discover you accidentally bit your lip as he cut you off mid sentence, sending a small ruby stream from your bottom lip. Your eyes well up in tears, not only from the stinging pain, but also the hurt. You slightly lift your head to the left with eyes wide in shock and betrayal as you look up to see Negan.  
If it is possible, he looks like he'd taken the slap. His eyes are wide in horror and he holds his right hand out to the side, fingers spread in disbelief.  
"Katie, I'm so sorry-" he begins, attempting to grab your shoulders, but you aggressively shake him away, still holding your cheek as you spit at him, a small pink drop landing on his neck. At this, he looks away, obviously hurt by your display.  
"I can't believe you." You whisper as you briskly walk past him, intentionally giving him a small shove to the side as you walk away towards the building, not looking back as tears stream down your face.  
You are attempting to walk back to Negan's room when you are stopped by the doctor.  
"Hello, dear, is that scratch healing up well?" He wonders, his soft yet scratchy voice full of concern.  
"Yes, its healing up quite well actually! I must-"  
"Oh dear, why are you crying?"  
"Oh, well, I was gardening and I accidentally got a little dirt on my neck and tried to rub it away, but hit my neck. It just hurt is all! No big deal!"  
He lifts your chin to observe your scar, squinting his eyes as he inspects the still healing wound.  
"Oh dear, well I can fix that! A little medicine will help with that! Follow me!"  
He grabs your hand and pats it enthusiastically as he leads you into his medicine cabinet room.  
He fumbles across the middle shelf murmuring words you don't understand as he eventually huffs.  
"I think I left the ointment in the other room! Don't move a muscle!" The old man winks as he slowly walks out of the door.  
When you hear the click of the door, something in you changes.   
Something in your mind is telling you to take the bottle of sleeping pills. Your eyes have been locked on them. There is a bottle of 200 in a white bottle.   
Would it be enough?   
Would it really be enough to do it?  
You had researched it endlessly at your lowest point on life, and you think it just might be the right amount.   
You'd lost some weight during the apocalypse, and you definitely didn't have the tolerance for it anymore. If you had an empty stomach it would be even more likely.  
You grab the bottle and shove it into your shirt, placing it in your bra.  
Just as you adjust it to look somewhat natural, you hear the door rattle open again.  
"Here it is!" The old man says, holding up a small tube of ointment.  
He gently spreads the medicine on your wound, and covers it with gauze. Then he kisses it. This takes you off guard, but you don't show it.  
"It always makes it heal faster." He says with a sweet smile as he hands you a green lollipop. "And hopefully this helps ease the pain a little." He whispers as he leads you out of his office with a smile. You thank him as you begin to head up to Negan's room.  
Once you reach Negan's room you slam the door as you hurl the bottle of pills at the bed.  
You can't possibly do this. You can't go back to that place. You can't. Negan would be so upset.   
NEGAN!  
You immediately open a blind by the window and search the yard for him as you mentally jade yourself. If anything, he needs you, you're all he has.  
You momentarily smile as you find him pacing in the yard, looking upset. You curse yourself deeper as you laugh at yourself.  
Your smile drops at what you see unfold next. The blond woman, a former wife, your bully, struts up to him confidently and takes him in her hands as she plants a deep kiss on his lips. He pulls back from shock at first, but then smiles and kisses her back, deeply.   
You drop the blind as you slowly slide your back down the wall until you reach the ground, practically crumpling to the floor as you sob.  
He doesn't need you. No one needs you. Everyone hates you.  
You try to search for someone that would miss you but come up short. Your family is dead. Rick and your group probably think you're dead. The wives hate you. The doctor has other patients. Morgan, Simon, everyone you ate lunch with would probably cry for a minute, but move on quickly. Negan already has.  
You sob and grab onto the white bottle. You hold it with a death grip as you search the room to find what you wanted. The bottle of rum he gifted you after he first learned you loved it.  
You unscrew the cap and take in the sharp tinge of alcohol in your nostrils. You scrunch your nose for a second before you jump up onto the bed. You break the seal of the sleeping aid bottle as you open it slightly.  
You spill the contents into your hand. A couple dozen white pills fall into your palm as your eyes water. You throw your bear back as you cup the pills to your mouth, swallowing what you can before you bring the Malibu bottle to your mouth to drain the rest.   
It leaves a horrid taste in the back of your tongue, almost like rubbing alcohol or nail polish, but you repeat the routine once, twice, three times. On your seventh turn the rattling of the pill bottle ceases as it's last contents fall into your shaking hand. Only nine pills left. You look on the side of the bottle to check the count. You'd taken 191. You dizzily look at the bottle to see half of the rum gone, and the world starts to blur as you lazily throw the remaining pills in your mouth, nearly missing it. You take a swig of the bottle before you fall to the bed, the bottle falling from your hand and shattering as it hits the floor. Your hand still grips the pill bottle as your head hits the pillow, and your body lays across the bed. The light from the window becomes brighter as you grip the bottle tighter, your eyes fighting to stay awake.  
You did it. You can go home. You can see your family and loved ones. It's over.  
It's over.  
As your eyes flutter shut and your body tries to fight what's happening to it, you smile as your muscles give and you become unconscious.


	15. Time

The blinding light transitions into a beautiful sunset as you wake underneath a weeping cherry tree, slightly purple as it blossoms. Your eyes adjust to see hundreds of colorful flowers that lay beneath you as a gentle wind caresses your ears. You aren't wearing your jeans and normal outfit; instead, you wear a simple white dress, long and flowing in the breeze. Petals dance in your vision, slowly falling to sprinkle your face, body, and surroundings. Your hair is perfectly soft and curled, the chocolate tresses tossing slightly as you sit yourself up against the trunk of the tree. You look to see bright hues of pink and purple everywhere, practically engulfing the valleys and hills before you. You take a deep breath, smelling the sweet scent of cherries mixed with fresh flowers and summer air. It's almost surreal. You are peaceful.  
"Katie!"   
You quickly get up when you hear your name being called and run through the flowers to find the source of the call. You run until you see a figure standing on a hill. The rough outline looks familiar, but it is only when the sunlight clears that you begin to piece together who the mysterious person is.  
"Glenn!"  
You run faster to engulf him in a hug as you tackle him into the flower below you. You are crying and laughing simultaneously as you refuse to let him go, holding him close to you as you sob in relief.  
"Glenn, I've missed you!" You cry as you hug him deeper.  
"I missed you too, Katie." He whispers gently, holding you as you cry. "Katie, you-"  
"Hey kid, what are you doin here?" A rough voice jokes as you turn to see Abraham coming close to you.  
"Abe!" You get up and run to hug him as he swiftly picks you up and effortlessly swings you around in his arms.  
"Katie, you shouldn't be here. It's not your time yet." He says in a sad, regretful voice as he looks you in the eyes.  
"I know, I know. I just felt so lost and depressed and lonely. I had no one. I didn't know what to do," your tears fall freely again as you remember why you are here, "I just didn't even think about it. I just did it. I... I made a mistake..." you throw your head in your hands as sobs wreck your body.   
You feel a hand at your back and turn to see your brother. He had a sad smile on his face and you can't even begin to form words before he gives you a kiss on the cheek.  
"I missed ya, sis, but you can't stay here." He murmurs as he grabs your face in his hands.  
"What... what do you mean? I want to be here with you! I want to be with you!" You cry as you grip his shirt aggressively.  
"You can't stay... it's not your time yet." He states empathetically as he takes you into a deep hug.  
"No! I want to stay here!" You cry, sobbing even harder.  
"I love you... but you have to go. You have to. It's not your time to come here. It's not time yet."  
"But... but I did it! It's not the way I wanted to... but, but I'm here! What do you mean? You can't put me back! I don't want to go! I want to be with you!" You shout as the three of them surround you in a hug.  
"You will, Katie, but not now. I love you, but you have to go back." He shouts as the sun begins to shine brighter, engulfing you in the brightness.  
The light is blinding. You close your eyes and lose grip of those around you. You grip but to no avail, you are searching but find nothing. Everything is black, and you feel a deep pounding in your chest. It feels like you're being punched, and it's so painful you want to scream, but you release no sound when you open your mouth. Your mind is in a flurry, and you try to push away the pain and scuffle that is happening. Suddenly, you feel a deep burning in your chest as you heave. The blackness fades into reality.  
"THATS IT! COME BACK TO ME!"   
You hear the faint chanting of this phrase until you heave again, this time releasing the contents of your stomach. This happens again a number of times until you hear a cry of relief and a pair of hands engulf you in a hug.  
You open your eyes to see Morgan sitting by your bare feet, your lower half of your body on the bathroom floor, with Simon standing by the door as Dwight holds a mysterious bottle. Leo is sitting on the floor, crying in relief at the sight of you opening your eyes. That only leaves one person left, and he's holding your upper body in the shower and hugging you to his chest as he heaved in gracious sobs.  
Your eyes drift upwards to see him crying in happiness as he whispers apologies and comfort to you, gently caressing the side of your face as you fall limply in his arms, conscious, but too weak to stand up.  
"N- Ne-" you try to say his name, but your throat is burning so intensely that you cannot speak.  
"It's alright darlin it's alright, you're safe. You're safe." He whispered, genuine concern and hurt in his voice.  
Morgan breaks down in tears while Dwight murmurs something about the charcoal working as you begin to regain a slight bit of color to your face.  
"Please don't do that again... please" Negan pleads, hugging you intensely close to his body as you fully accept his embrace.   
You're back. You're alive. It's not your time. It's not your time.   
You may still feel as hopeless as before, but you know you have to push forward. Your brother needs you to.   
You must go on, no matter what troubles may try to take you down. It's what he would want, and maybe even what you want. As much as you want to be with him, you know I'm your heart that you're not done on earth yet.   
It's not your time.


	16. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NEGAN POV  
> \- It begins right before the slap heard round the world   
> \- I also finally learned the very simple way to do bold, italics, etc. on my phone so it's a GAME CHANGER MY DUDES

"If I'm that much of a waste then maybe I'll go back to weapons right now and load a chamber and-"  
You have no idea how or why you do what you did, but you reach your right hand up and slap her across the cheek, her neck snapping to the side and sending her hair flickering about.  
A loud crack sound fills the air from the impact, and you look to your arm in surprise.   
Why did you just fucking do that? What the fuck is wrong with you?   
You look once again to see Katie, her doe eyes tearing up, a streak of blood running from her lip, and a look of pure betrayal in her eyes.  
Your wide eyes catch your hand again and you attempt to put your hands on her shoulders, begging her to forgive you.  
"Katie, I'm so sorry-"  
Suddenly she shoves your hands off, and holds her cheek, cradling her head in an almost innocent way. Her look of hurt quickly turns to anger, as she spits on you, the wet saliva hitting your neck even more aggressively than when you first captured her group. At this you look away.  
"I can't believe you." She whispers, sounding like an injured animal. At this age begins to walk away, giving your ribs a jab with her elbow as she marches to the main area.  
You turn around to look where she's going, but she doesn't look back. She continues walking like a hurt puppy all the way to the doors, and she doesn't hesitate to throw them open.  
Fuck.  
You crouch in the dirt, putting a hand through your hair, processing the events that just unfolded. You spend minutes running through it over and over again. I'm   
What the fuck did you do? You'd never hit someone that you lov-  
Whoa whoa whoa... did you almost say love? Oh shit, you did. You love this girl, and you just backhanded her like she was nothing to you. Ohhhhhh fuck. You messed up.  
You stand up and put your hands behind your head, before you look for something to demolish. You kick over a bucket of water, and watch the contents run over the dust.   
It is then that you hear footsteps approach you.  
"What's wrong, boss?" Simon says, a worried expression on his face.  
"I fucked up, Simon, I fucked up." You mutter as you sigh and put a hand on your beard, nervously running your calloused fingers from the coarse hairs at the beginning to the sparse ones at the tip.  
"What happened?"   
"I hit her."  
"What?"  
At this, Simon grabs your shoulders and spins you to him.  
"I know. I know it's bad. She was just... she was just really upset and-"  
"You thought hitting her would fix it?" Simon remarks sarcastically.  
"Watch it, Simon." You reply dangerously, anger present in your voice.  
Suddenly you hear a higher pitched voice in the distance.   
"Hitting who?"   
Morgan. She can help.  
"I hurt Katie." You reply.  
"Physically? Or emotionally?" She questions, a look of concern present.  
"Both." Leo says, approaching angrily with his guard uniform on.  
"Well God Damn did I invite the whole motherfuckin camp to come see my relationship flop?" You scream, now directing your anger towards Leo.  
"You know it's wrong, don't act like I'm some crazy person for being angry you slapped her." He spits.  
"You fucking hit her?" Morgan questions, voice tinged with anger.  
"All of you better back the hell up and watch the way you fuckin talk to me." You announce.  
Suddenly Dwight approaches you, wife in tow.  
"Negan, she needs to speak to you." Dwight states as the blonde woman in the black dress confidently waits in the distance.  
"This oughta be good. Spit it out." You shout, still surrounded by your friends.  
"She says she needs to speak privately." He adds sarcastically.  
"Alright, go wait by the yard, I'll come back to explain more once I'm done with her." You angrily mutter.  
At this, they all walk away. When the coast is clear, she struts over to you, wrapping her hands around your face, and engulfing you in a deep kiss.  
What the fuck?  
You jump back, still in shock, but come up with a plan.  
You kiss her back deeply, continuing this for a few seconds before you release her slowly, breathing heavily as you take in her gasps for air and heaving.  
"Is this what you wanted?" You whisper seductively.  
"Yes." She breathes, drawing the word out against your ear.  
"This is all you wanted to say? You just want me back all to yourself?" You breathe by her ear, keeping up the act.  
"Yes, Negan, I want you." She whispers.  
"Well, ya know what? I got an answer for ya..." you whisper.  
You pull her face from hers and look deep in her eyes as you nonchalantly say, "Go fuck yourself."  
It takes one second for her to process your words before her grin turns into a grimace. Eyes wide with shock, she looks to you, pleading.  
"You know, you've been on my shit list for a while now. Bullying a girl? Just for being with me? That's just some real bullshit. Now I'll give ya a choice. You can go pack your shit and I'll put you back in the middle of bumfuck nowhere..." you continue with your wicked grin, bringing your hand up to her chin, "orrrrr, you can go tell you and your other whores to go get fucked, and to never come near me again; if you do, you'll be in a body bag." You finish the rest with a hiss as you aggressively push her chin back and walk away towards where the others are.   
Once you reach them, they immediately look curious.  
"The sluts missed a good fuck is all." You announce with your arms open wide.  
"I see you handled it well." Simon motions in the distance the where you see the blonde woman sulking off in the distance.  
You smile at the sight, but are broken from this as you turn to see the entire group looking at you angrily.  
"What? Did I kill someone? Get off my dick." You mutter.  
"You need to talk to her, I've never seen her that upset." Morgan states.  
"She didn't even look that hurt when we killed her friends when we caught their group..." Simon adds, face full of concern.  
"I'll take care of it." You state, but receive nothing but silence.  
"What, do you wanna fucking come up with me and join our makeup sex?" You joke, but their look remains serious.  
"Negan, I just feel like something is wrong. She looked... I don't know. She just looked... empty. What did you argue about?" Leo asks.  
"She was talking some dumb shit. Saying shit about suicide to make me angry. Then I found out she was suicidal a while ago. We were both trying to make the other snap. And... and she won." You say.  
"Well... I'm just worried. We can wait outside the door but I need to know she's okay, maybe I can talk to her girl to girl and try to make it better." Morgan says.  
"Well, I guess I don't have a choice. Come on, lets go find her. She's probably just hanging around the main area like she always is."  
You all walk into the building, and take a few minutes looking around the main hallways before returning to meet in the main room.  
"Anyone see her?" Morgan asks.  
"No, nothing." Leo replies.  
Simon and Dwight shake their heads as well.   
You huff a big sigh before putting your hands on your hips.  
"Well, I don't think she'd be in the cafeteria, maybe s-"  
"Negan! Good to see you, I just treated your lovely little lady again. Tell me if she needs more ointment!" The doctor interrupts, casually putting a hand on your shoulder as he begins to walk away.  
You quickly grab his shoulder and bring him to face you, a look of shock on his face.  
"Wait, where's Katie?" You yell.  
"S-she was just in my office... about a half hour ago... I gave her some ointment and she looked like she was on her way again. But I'll give you the ointment and some pain pills as well to give her. She has that nasty scar still that's still sore. Boy, she was so upset about it, her cheeks were bright red, well, one was, and she was crying. It must hurt really bad. Here, follow me." He stutters as he leads you into the room with medicines.  
He begins rummaging through the cabinets, looking for the right supplies.  
"Lets see, I can't seem to find the pain medicine... oh there it is! That's odd, it's always by the sleeping aids. One of them is missing. That's very odd indeed. Does Katie have sleeping problems?" He asks.  
"No, not usually."  
"Hm, that's odd."   
"What's wrong, doc?" Leo asks.  
"Well, I have this room locked, and I know I had my supplies this morning. I let Katie in to assess her and put more ointment on but had to leave for a second and left her here. I haven't been back here since she was here. And the sleeping aids are gone now. That's very odd. Why does she need so many of those when she doesn't even have insomnia?" He ponders.  
Then it hits you.  
"WE HAVE TO FIND KATIE NOW." You yell.  
"Why?" Leo asks.  
"I think she's taking those pills to... to kill herself." You can barely speak the words as it hits the group.  
The doctor grabs a bottle of charcoal and shoves it to Negan.  
"Get this down her throat right now. She's probably in her quarters. I'll stay here to get surgery supplies ready if it doesn't work." He states before pushing you all out the door.  
You begin running down the hallways, the four of them stopping by the normal living quarters while you continue to go to your room.  
"Negan! This way! Her room is down this hall!" Morgan yells.  
"No. Her room is my room." You yell as you sprint towards your room.  
When you reach the door, a few feet ahead of the others, you fling it open and are crushed by the sight before you.  
You first notice the shattered bottle of rum by the bedside table, and there is a severe lack of alcohol in the mess.  
She must have drank quite a bit.  
It is then you notice her limp form laid out on the bed, the bottle of sleeping aids bear her hand. Her eyes look to the ceiling, her hand outstretched, her frail body weak and broken. You run to her, screaming her name, shaking her shoulders to wake her up.  
Simon pulls you back, grasping the bottle of charcoal you dropped at the door. He's unscrewing the lid, and throws the cap off before he grabs the back of her neck and lifts her up a bit, checking her pulse.   
"Negan, grab her right now, bring her to the shower."  
You immediately grab hold of her body and effortlessly lift her body to the bathroom. You can feel her heartbeat. It is light, with an erratic pattern, but it is beating.  
Morgan turns the shower on to cold and grabs the charcoal from Simon as you set her body down before you, practically holding her in your lap.  
"Negan, I'm gonna need to take her for a second." Morgan says as she tries to grab Katie from you.  
"NO." You scream.  
It is then you notice that you are crying, sobbing in fact. You didn't notice the waterfall of tears cascading down your face through the past few moments.  
"Negan, please, I have to help her. I can do this." Morgan explains.   
At this, you lean her up for Morgan to grab her and tip her head back. She opens her mouth and keeps her body steady as she grabs the charcoal in her hand. You watch as morgan pours the black, thick liquid down her throats, a small bit seeping from the side of her lip, a small stream of black running down her chin, throat, and chest in a hellish way. It's a haunting image that will stick with you forever. You feel helpless. You keep waiting.  
After what feels like a lifetime, you hear a choking sound from Katie.  
"Lean her over so she can get rid of it all!" Morgan yells quickly as you lean her over, some of the cool water from the shower hitting you both. You look to see Leo sobbing uncontrollably while Simon stares in shock at the door. Dwight stands by the counter while morgan sits by her feet. The room is silent.  
Suddenly, the choking sound happens again, but a small dribble of black saliva falls from her mouth before she heaves aggressively in your arms.  
She's moving!  
"THATS IT! COME BACK TO ME!" You scream, tears streaming down your face.  
You hold her to your chest, still sobbing, and let out a cry of relief as she vomits. You hold her in your arms as the toxins leave her body, her shaking body still heaving dramatically.  
She throws up a number of times more, before you hear her release a sigh and cry. At this you engulf her in the biggest hug and whisper encouraging words and apologies.  
"I'm so sorry Katie... I'm so sorry please forgive me! I don't know what I'd do without you! Please stay with me! Please! I'm so sorry! God, I'm so sorry!" You cry endlessly as you stroke her face.  
"N-ne-" she tries to speak, tries to say your name.  
"Shhhhhhh. It's alright darlin it's alright, you're safe. You're safe." You whisper as you clutch her weak body to your heart. The room is filled with sobs from everyone.  
"It worked. Thank god the charcoal worked." Dwight states.  
You watch as minutes go by and she regains her color.  
"Please... please don't do that again... please." You plead endlessly as you hold her.  
She doesn't speak, she can't right now. You get that. But she's breathing. She's breathing. That's all that matters. She's alive. She's breathing. She's alive.


	17. Wish I Was Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by the song "Wish I Was Here" by Cat Power and Coldplay. If you haven't heard it, it'll give you the feels for this chapter, so I'll link it here. Love you guys.
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=821nZkp0-Lc

You wake up to hearing an evenly timed squeak, and look up to see Negan gently swaying back and forth in the rocking chair, eyes closed. He looks so peaceful for once.  
You are tucked in Negan's bed. The covers engulf you in warmth and comfort, and the windows are open to let in the cool breeze. Sunlight streams through, and birds chirp. It's a beautiful day, but not a very beautiful situation.  
"I'm sorry." You mutter, voice nearly gone and cracking, but loud enough to jerk him from his trance. His eyes grow wide before slightly tearing up. He gets up quickly from the rocking chair and walks to sit on the edge of the bed. You swallow a dry gulp as he lays a hand on your thigh, covered with heavy blankets. For a few moments he only gently rubs your thigh, looking down and concentrating only on little patterns he creates.  
"Do you even know what you could've done?" He manages to choke out, finally looking at you with sad eyes.  
"I didn't want to think about anything. I just felt so... lonely... empty. I saw you slip from my fingers and I had nothing... I never realized that you... that you were everything to me until I was nothing to you." You mutter, eyes pooling with tears, rivulets falling down your cheeks quickly. You move your hand out to cup his face, to feel him.  
"Katie, you know you're everything to me, you know that. I thought I lost you... for good this time... I wish I was here when you were even thinking of how much you thought I didn't love you. I wish I could've shaken you from that. Katie, I love you." He whispers the last words, a tear spilling over as he grabs your hands.  
"I love you too, please don't hate me." You cry.  
"You know I could never."  
"Please don't leave me."   
"I wouldn't even try to."  
"Please, just love me."  
"That, I can do forever."  
He brings your lips to his, placing a chaste but passionate kiss on your lips.  
"I can't lose you again, Katie. It will kill me."  
"I'm yours."  
He engulfs you in a long hug, holding you close, refusing to let go. You can feel the witness of tears hitting your neck as he silently cries in his relief of having you with him.   
You don't want to be anywhere but here. How could you have been so stupid? You almost lost this. You almost lost your friends. Morgan. Leo. Simon. Dwight. Negan. You almost lost Negan. Negan. God, you could have lost him.  
Just thinking of him being out of your life causes another round of loud sobs to overtake your body, and he squeezes you closer to him.  
You almost lost the best part of your existence. How could you even think of something like that.   
You can't even imagine how he feels. He found you. He found you dying, possibly dead. This isn't the first time he's seen you at risk of death, but this is the first time he's felt nearly responsible for causing it. He would have been angry when he talked to you the last time you were alive. He would have yelled at you for his last words to you. Your last words to him were spitting hateful and mean things. Those would echo in his mind for God knows how long. You would be on his mind every day, and in the worst way.   
"I'm so sorry, Negan." You cry.  
"It's alright darlin." He answers.  
"No it's not. You found me. You had to find me like this. I'm so sorry that you had to see that." You pull away to look at his tear stained face.  
"You were gone, Katie. You were gone. I lost you. I don't know how I got you back, but I lost you. It was the worst few minutes of my life. As soon as I saw you lying on the bed, dying, I wanted to join you. I saw you clinging to life in the shower and wanted to die. I wanted to be wherever you would be, cause damnit I can't think of any world I wanna be in without you."   
"I'll never leave you again. I'll never do it again, Negan, I swear. I'm so sorry I did that to you. I only want to live with you loving me. If I don't have you, I have nothing."  
He embraces you again. You hug for what feels like hours before he places a kiss at the top of your hairline. He then slips under the blankets next to you and cuddles you close to him, your back melting into his warm chest.  
"You should get some rest. And I'm definitely not leaving you now." He whispers as he tightens his grip on your body, holding you close to him.  
"I love you, Negan."  
"I love you, darlin."


	18. Proud

Things had gotten better lately. A few days had passed since the incident. You'd talked it out, and Negan decided to have you talk to a girl named Sam every week. She wasn't a psychologist before things went down, but she had her degree and was getting her masters in psychology when things went downhill. Not many people are left in the world anyways, so it's a miracle to have someone remotely trembled in mental health.   
"Negan, I'm ok, you don't have to worry." You attempt to assure him when he brings up the idea of talking to Sam.  
"I know, but it's a good idea. You said you had these problems before the whole world turned to shit anyways, what could hurt?" He mutters with his hands spread wide in defense.  
"I don't need a shrink." You mutter, annoyed.  
"I know you don't."  
"Then why do I have to go?"  
"My peace of mind for Christ's sake." He whispers.  
You look into his eyes to see hurt. It may have been in the past now, but you can tell your suicide attempt hit him hard and affects him still. He's worried. The least you can do is assure him you're fine and go to this girl. That should at least calm him.  
"Fine." You surrender.  
*  
Negan leads you to the white door of the woman's room.   
"She'll be here soon, we can go in." He says as he twists the knob and you hear a creak of the door opening.  
The room is all a pale blue and smells like freshly picked lavender. There are multiple chairs in the room with a desk in a far corner. A window is open, which caresses the flowers in a vase, gracefully moving in the slight breeze. It seems relatively peaceful. There's no weird Freudian lounging sofa thing where you can lie back and spill your problems. There's no weird smell of hospital or anything scary. It's just... like every other room.  
"Katie! I've been looking forward to meet you!" An energetic voice greets you as you look to see a woman enter the room. She's fit, muscular legs being shown off in a pair of jeans. Her hair is a little longer than her shoulders, a beautiful chocolate color, almost the same shade as your own hair. She has a big smile, with dimples.   
She embraces you in a hug before you completely process her words, and you realize you haven't hugged back yet. You quickly wrap your arms around her and hold them awkwardly.  
"Sorry, uh. I'm not used to too many strangers immediately being friendly." You stumble the words.  
"That's alright hun, I'm just happy you came to see me." She chirps with a big grin again.  
"Thanks again, Sam. I'll leave you ladies to talk." Negan shouts as he heads out the door.  
You look stunned at his quick exit and make a little huff of annoyance as he leaves.  
"It's okay, he told me he was nervous because he knew you'd be a better client than he was." She soothingly remarks.  
"He came here?" You curiously ask.  
"Everyone comes to see me." She smiles her bright smile again. "Before we get started I'll just have you fill out this little sheet of info, bio, family history." She continues as she rounds a desk and grabs a sheet and pencil. She hands them to you and you sit down and begin to read it.  
Name. Katie Cohan.  
Age. 20.  
Sex. Female.  
Family history of heart disease. Hmmm.   
You furrow your eyebrows and tap your pen to your chin.   
I don't really know... I never got the chance to fill one of these out on my own or ask about it... I'll just leave it blank.  
Family history of mental illness. Probably.  
Family history of alcohol/addiction. Definitely.  
Family history of cancer. Grandma?  
Family history of chronic pain. Back pain in Mom's side. My brother.  
Allergies. Penicillin, tobacco smoke, cats, feather pillows.  
Personal mental health history. Depression. Anxiety. OCD. Body dysmorphia.   
Suicidal thoughts or tendencies.

You drop your pen as you realize that you'd been staring at that sentence for at least a minute, frozen.  
"Negan... told me some things that you don't have to write down. As long as you have your allergies and family history we're good." She chants with an empathetic grin as you hand her the papers.   
"Perfect. You can go ahead and sit down anywhere you'd like to." She remarks as she sits down in a chair, crisscrossing her legs.  
You decide to sit in a big leather chair across from her.  
"So when did you first come to this whole camp here?" She grins and motions outside to the workers.  
"A few weeks ago. My group was... uh... captured." You mutter slowly.  
"I see. So I take it he killed someone in your group as an example as well?" She adds.  
"Yeah." You answer quickly and look down at your feet, fidgeting your fingers, entwining them together.  
"Were you close to this particular person?"  
You nod your head in agreement.   
You can see the wheels in her head spinning as she is about to ask another question.   
"Aren't you gonna ask how I feel about that? How I felt seeing my best friends head become slush right in front of me? How it felt when I saw him kill two of my friends, and then I get angry enough to speak out? To get taken here as payment for speaking up?" You sarcastically rant as you tilt your head sideways and raise your eyebrows in fake innocence.  
Her mouth has gently opened in slight shock and hurt as she shakes her head and attempts to speak.  
"I feel really fucking shitty. And to fall in love with the murderer of my friends. Really fucking shitty. All my family and friends are probably looking down on me right now and cursing me for being such a dumb, naive bitch. I wasn't strong enough to save them or myself." You cross your arms as you finish your rant and look into Sam's eyes to see her gathering her thoughts.  
"Look, Katie, I'm here for you as someone who cares. I know you've been through a lot. I know you're hurting, but I think that there's a lot you're holding inside yourself that you have been for years, even before this whole thing started. I'm not a therapist. I was in college going to be one, but I'm not. I'm just trying my best to help people. I know that's what you want. You want to help people too much. But now it's time for you to be helped."   
You sit silently, swinging your foot. When you swallow dryly, you feel like the whole room can hear you gulp, echoing across the walls.  
"I'm not weak."  
"Getting help isn't weak. It's being strong enough to realize that you are in need of growth. It's realizing that you're not alone, that there are problems. Weak people ignore the problems and think they're invincible until they're at rock bottom. You made it this far, practically on your own at some points. You don't have to prove yourself to me, Katie."  
You can feel tears start to form in your eyes but refuse to let them fall. You look up at the ceiling and tuck your lips in tightly as you try to keep it together.  
"You don't have to hide here. We're all hurting. You just have to know that you have support."  
You feel a tear fall and hear a squeak of leather.   
The next thing you know, Sam is embracing you in a hug, and you hug her back immediately this time as you can see your tears turning her light gray shirt to a dark hue or near black.  
You cry in her arms for what seems like hours, until she leans back and presses your head to her shoulder, gently rocking you.  
"It's gonna be okay. Things will be shitty. They might even get worse. But you've been through it all haven't you?" She looks to you with a sad look in her face and you nod.  
"Negan probably told you what brought me here."   
"Besides him dragging you here, I know why you're here. There's nothing to be ashamed of. I did the same thing before this all happened." She looks to you.  
"You did?" You look to her in shock, eyes wide.  
"Yep. I was in a deep depression when I was 17. My mom was a druggie and my dad was who knows where. I had my older brother that was everything, but I thought it wasn't enough. I tried to hang myself..." she looks to you with a deep sadness. "When I kicked the chair out I heard a snap and was knocked out. I thought I was dead. I woke up on the floor of my bedroom with my brother crying. I looked up to see him holding me. Luckily, the rope had broken, that was the snapping sound, and I hit my head and was knocked out. My brother heard the bang upstairs and saw me, noise around my neck, with half the rope still hanging from my closet, frayed pieces everywhere."   
She closed her eyes, looking back to you.  
"See? And here I am today. Having a shitty past doesn't mean you have to have a shitty future." She smiles.  
You hear a knock at the door before Negan comes in.  
"Hour is up, darlin. See, that wasn't so bad!" He remarks as you both stand up.  
"Yeah... it was actually... really nice. When can I come back?" You state as you smile at him.  
He shoots you a confused look and then to Sam.  
"You hypnotize her or some shit? She never likes talking to people about her problems." Negan looks at her with a shocked expression.  
"She's had a long journey, I'm just glad I could talk to her." She says with a smile.  
"You're a miracle worker, Sam. Same time next week?" He says.  
"Of course! See you then, Katie!"  
"Bye, Sam!" You shout gladly as you wave, exiting the door with Negan.  
The walk back to the room is quiet until you reach the door.  
"You really liked it?"  
"Yeah. It actually felt nice to talk to her about some things." You reply.  
"I'm proud of you, darlin."   
You smile, you're proud of yourself too.


	19. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry y’all I’m actual trash but ya know I’m a trash can not a trash cannot. I’ve been having this idea for a while but finally but it on virtual paper. It’s been a long break of Northern Ireland traveling for a research project, surgery, and life in general. I’m the worst, but hopefully this will begin to make up for stuff! WE BACK.

Things were just about back to normal. It had been weeks of peace and work for both your body and mind. You visited Sam almost twice a week, and then went down to only once. You’d been making amazing progress, and you could tell that Negan was proud of your improvement.  
The only downside of this was that he still refused to let you out of his sight. He had gone to a few sessions with you so your trustworthiness in each other increased; however, he really meant his promise of not losing you again. You rarely could go anywhere without his presence. While you love his caring and nurturing side, you wanted a little freedom every once in a while.  
“Hey, negan, I got a question for ya.” You casually ask as you’re sitting on the bed with him, relaxing in each other’s arms.  
“What is it, doll?” He curiously coos as he turns his face to look at you with a gentle smile.  
“Well, I was wondering if I could go on a supply run soon...”   
“No.” He plainly answers, trying to shit down the topic.  
“But... Negan, I’ve gotten better! I just wanna have some fun! While planting is relatively peaceful, I miss the excitement! I-“  
“Darlin, no. I can’t lose you again.”   
“But what if you come with! Like I doubt it would be th-“  
“No, Katie. I-“  
“But there’s a bunch of people going out tonight for something! I heard Dwight mention it! We could both go!”  
“Katie, it’s a no. No. Final answer.” He gruffly explains before turning back to his side to relax.  
You are so angry that you quickly turn around to your side, crossing your arms and furrowing your eyebrows.  
“You treat me like a fucking child.” You murmur aggressively into the pillow until he pulls you around to him.  
“I treat you like a child because you ACT like a child. You throw tantrums and act on feeling rather than thought. Maybe if you act mature and be patient, you can eventually go on a run.” He explains.  
That’s it.  
You roughly get up, pushing yourself up dramatically from the bed before looking back at him angrily.  
“See, doll? It’s exactly this attitude!” He laughs before you storm out the door.  
You see pure red as you stomp down the hallways into the main hall. You see Leo and Morgan laughing to each other and decide to join in.  
You quickly drop your face of rage and replace it with your fake happy one.  
“Hey guys!” You enthusiastically call out yo them as you run up to them with a smile.  
“Hey, Katie!” Leo happily greets as he hugs you.  
“Whatcha doin out here? Thought you were with Negan?” Morgan adds as you wrap your arms tightly around her.  
“Ya know, just needed some fresh air! Ugh, I’ve been stuck in here for so long, I just wanna get out, ya know!” You add with a laugh.  
“Well, we’re taking a group out to scope some people tonight, so I think we’re getting a little sick of the air.” Morgan jokingly adds.  
“What do you mean? What people?” You ask, knowing the general idea of which group is going out but not knowing what for.  
“Just some weirdos in bandanas. They’ve been ransacking everyone’s supplies... the-“  
Suddenly your mind switches to the memory of your scar. The men jumped from trees and wore bandanas... it can’t be a coincidence. It has to be them. You have to find out what is happening.  
You are vaguely aware of a snapping sound in your face and flinch as you look to see Leo smiling as he snaps his fingers in front of you, waking you from your mind wandering.  
“Sorry, um, that sounds awesome! Can I come?”   
They look to each other in concern before Morgan asks calmly, “I thought you had to ask Negan?”  
You shrug your shoulders, nodding your head with purses lips as you playfully throw your hand. “Pshhhh. He won’t.”   
“Katie, we know how he is... we don’t want you to get in trouble.” Morgan adds, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.  
“Alright, alright. I’ll ask him tonight. If he says no, I won’t show. If he says yes, when and where do I meet you?”  
“Outside by the gates! There should be ten-ish people coming. Are you allowed to have weapons yet?” Leo innocently questions.  
Quick fake something.  
“Yeah, I’ve been shooting arrows again!” You lie, smiling as you finish.  
They’re never gonna buy it.  
“Ok, dope, we’ll meet you then and have some arrows for ya!” They finish, walking away happily.  
Shit.  
You only have four hours to figure out a plan.  
Fuck. How is Negan going to let you do this?!? You’ll have to fucking knock him out with Lucille just to get a head start.  
Suddenly your mind thinks back to the one man that is kind enough to help you without realizing he is.  
-  
You walk by the doctors office to see if your most gullible guy is there. Leaning into the door, you see him slumped over his desk work.  
Luckily, nearby the door is a potted plant.   
Perfect.  
You step back a few paces and begin your walk forward, intentionally snagging your foot on the potted plant, knocking it over with a crash. You dramatically fall to the floor in a heap, right in front of his office. Your body smacks against the hard ground and you release a grunt of pain.  
Ouch, that hurt a bit. But, the plan must go on.  
“Oh, dear! Miss Katie you always hurt yourself! What’s happened here?” He questions with concerned eyes, jumping from his chair and rushing over to you.  
“Oh, it’s nothing!” You casually laugh and shake your hand at him.  
“Oh deary, that’s not nothing! Are you alright?”   
“Oh, I’m fine! Believe it or not, that’s not the first thing I’ve run into the past few days! It’s like the tenth time! Everything has been a little blurry lately!”   
“What do you mean?”  
“Oh, I just haven’t been sleeping well! I’ve been so focused on working that I haven’t even thought of sleep lately!” You laugh as you rub your head.  
“When is the last time you slept?”  
“Ohhhhh not too long ago, just like a few days ago!” You casually shrug it off and wait for your plan to begin.  
“Oh my! Honey, that’s not healthy!” He yells with a worried expression.  
“It’s... it’s not? I did it all the time for high school?” You innocently question.  
“No that’s bad! You need to get some sleep dear!”  
“I just can’t! It’s like my body is so hyped up for work and everything! I’m just so excited for everything that I guess my body is too!”  
He nods to himself before pondering with his hand on his chin.  
“Well, I guess I can give you something for your troubles. It will be strong enough to let you get some sleep, and you should only use it tonight and tomorrow, so I’ll get you two doses. It’s just a sleeping aid, but, because of the... um... incident, I’m going to need you to stay outside while I get the medicine for you in here.” He sympathetically states.  
“Oh, I totally understand. Anything would help!” You happily smile at him.  
“Alright dear, just wait one sec!” He shouts from the door before he closes it.  
As you hear him rummaging around, you feel slightly guilty for having him included in your scheming. He’s such a good guy.  
He quickly opens the door with a napkin full of six little pills.  
“Ok, three tonight and three tomorrow night, and your sleep schedule should be getting back to normal! At least no more plants will be viciously attacked!” He laughs as he hands you the pills.  
“Thank you so much! I’ll try my best!” You once again feign your happy smile before turning around. You conceal the pills in your pocket as you head to the kitchen.  
Time for the next part of the plan.  
-  
You head into the mess hall and see the chefs working in the back.  
“Hey guys!” You once again shout to them, faking enthusiasm and charm as you head into the kitchen.  
“Hey Katie! You going to join us in a few minutes for dinner?” One large man asks with a friendly voice.  
“Actually, I was wondering if I could pick up Negan and mines meals now! I was going to surprise him with a date night!”  
“That’s fun! Let me get you something fixed up real quick! Anything special?”  
“Do you have any soda?”  
Or anything to help dissolve these pills.  
“I sure do! I’m on it! Give me two minutes!” He shouts with a smile as he gets busy with his work.  
After a few minutes he comes out with two trays, roasted chicken with potatoes, onion, and green beans. There is pie and Coca Cola in both trays.  
“Thank you so much! You’re an angel!” You call out as you take the two trays.  
You walk through the hallways to Negan’s room. Knocking lightly, you wait until he answers before putting on a sexy smile.  
“Well, lookie here. You brought food.” He says playfully before you walk in, setting the trays on the bed.  
You look at the clock.  
One hour before you meet at the gate.  
“I, ugh, actually had a surprise for you, but I didn’t think you would be in the room right now.” You innocently coo.  
“Oh, really, and what’s that?” He teases with a cocked eyebrow as he grabs your waist.  
“Well...” you look down playfully, “it requires me to do a bit of... mmmmm, changing first...” you whisper as you look down to your chest.  
You have his reaction with a smile as he opens his mouth with a wide grin, eyebrows raised.  
“Oh... well I like that surprise.”  
“Well, there’s still time. But I need to be alone for a minute or two to make the surprise happen...” you tease as you play with his collar.  
“Well damn, day no more just knock when ya want me back in!” He shouts as he practically bolts out the door.  
Hearing the click of the lock, you know you must get to work.  
You open the dresser and put on your lacy white bra you wore when you first came here, as you crumble up the pills. Smashing them against the dresser, you make sure it’s powder before running over to his tray and poring it into the coke.  
You give it a light stir as you see the bubbles eliminate any hint of suspicion.   
Perfect.  
You immediately take off your pants and put on his pair of boxers. You know he loves it when you wear his boxers.  
Perfect.   
You knock twice before you see the door open slightly, his head peaking in. He takes in your appearance before gasping and doing one of his tell tale signs of being turned on: scratching his beard with his right hand up and down quickly.  
He scoops you up in his arms and you laugh as he kicks the door shut behind him.  
“I almost never get dessert before a meal.” He teasingly whispers before placing kisses on your neck.  
“Ugh... Negan?”   
“Yeah, darlin?” He asks, a look of concern present.  
“Can we actually eat first? I’m really hungry...”   
“Well sure! What’s on the menu?” He asks before heading over to the bed.  
“See for yourself! It looks so yummy!” You add before sitting in your place on the bed and taking your tray. He jumps up next to you and assesses his food.  
“And look! I love coke! I made sure to get us some! I haven’t had any in forever.” You laugh as you pick up your drink and hold yours out to clink his in a cheers.  
He obliged with a smile as you both sip yours. He scrunches his face at first, and you do the same.  
“Yours taste a little weird?” He questions, his expression stuck in disgust.  
“Yeah... it must not really be that new.” You tease and add a cough. “Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do now...” you say with a look of disappointment.  
“What’s that?”  
“Chugging contest!” You yell before quickly taking gulps of yours.  
Not wanting to be beaten, he takes quick gulps before you hear his glass clink on his tray.  
You look to him with fake shock as you try to chug the rest of yours and fail miserably.  
“I told you I always win.” He leans back with a satisfied grin as he begins eating his chicken.  
“Ugh... don’t remind me.” You roll your eyes as he takes your chin in his hand.  
“Hey, I forgot to tell you. Thanks for not making a big deal about the run tonight. I just worry about you.”   
You feign a smile and accept his kiss with a sorrow in your heart.  
You are both about halfway between the meal when you notice his mood change. He seems to be fighting some exhaustion.  
“You okay?” You innocently ask, putting a hand on his slumping shoulder.  
“Yeah... I just feel really off. Like tired. I don’t know.” He furrows his eyebrows in confusion before laying back on the pillows.  
“It’s okay, just lay down!” You add as you lean into him.  
He’s going down quickly, eyes fluttering as the pills take effect. You notice his muscles getting weaker around your shoulder as his breathing slows.   
Soon, you hear him snoring and unwrap his arm from around you.   
You look at the clock.  
10 MINUTES!   
You jump up from the bed quickly and rummage through the closet to find your jean shorts and black long sleeved shirt. You take your boots and lace them around your feet and high socks. Lastly, you reach to the back of your closet to where you had stolen your bow weeks ago. It’s wooden beauty still fresh before you, you grab it and hold it with pride, long hair flowing down your back.  
You hear a cough and turn to see Negan, his arm searching for you as he looks confused, but frozen, too exhausted to move. His eyes wander around the room until they spot you and he releases a gasp.  
“Ka... tie... don’t... don’t...” you can hear him weakly murmuring as he lays still under the blankets.  
You look once more at the clock before walking over to his side of the bed. You caress his face and place a strand of hair behind his ear.  
“I’m sorry, Negan.” You whisper as you look to him with sad eyes.  
“Don’t... don’t...” He continuously whispers.  
You place a kiss on his forehead.  
“I can’t be locked in a castle forever...” you whisper in his ears as you look to see tears in his eyes. “You knew I had to go... you found them. I need to go, Negan. I’m sorry.”  
You listen to the click of your boots as you grab your bow and head outside the door.  
-  
You make it to the gate just in time. Morgan, Leo, Dwight, and Simon are all stationed outside the rusty gate along with five others.  
“I’m surprised he let you go!” Leo says with a look of disbelief.  
“Well, I had to put my little spell on him.” You explain as you wiggle your fingers to make them all laugh.  
It wasn’t a lie. You’re not proud of what you’ve done tonight. You don’t like what you had to do to get here. But, you’re here.  
“Alright, so tonight we just watch and observe their group. Try to count how many there are, and if you see any stolen guns or ammo, speak up. They’re pretty violent, they’ve been killing lately for food, so we aren’t getting too close. Just close enough to see. Alright?” Dwight commands.  
You all nod in agreement as he loads the car. Morgan hands you a quiver with thirty arrows.  
“Brought then as a joke... didn’t think you’d actually make it, Katie.” She kids as you swing the bag over your shoulder.  
“I didn’t think so either... he must just be really tired of me asking.” You shrug.  
Again, not wrong. Very tired in fact.  
“We’re ready, lets go!” You hear Simon shout to the group. You load into the back seat of a truck and look up one more time to see the light shining in his room.  
I’m so sorry...  
You hear the wheels against the ducks and mud as you feel the vehicle shake to life. As you drive away, you watch the light fade into nothingness.


	20. Ring around the Rosie

You feel the wheels of the truck scratching the rough gravel as it comes to a halt. The lights of the car turn off, and you become worried. You can vaguely hear the engine being turned off as you take in the darkness around you with fear.  
“Don’t worry, we just leave the car about a half mile away so they can’t hear us.” Morgan assures as she gently nudged you with a smile.  
The doors are opened and you step out into the chilly night air. It isn’t freezing outside; however, there is an odd cold breeze that sends a chill down your spine. Your breath comes in small clouds of fog, and the car glistens in the moonlight above you. You breathe in the smell of smoke around you, and also the deepness of the woods. You unintentionally shiver, and Dwight looks at you with pity as he slides his jean jacket off his shoulders and holds it out to you.  
“Oh no! I can’t take your jacket!” You quickly chide, shaking your hands.  
“You’re gonna need it, it’s cold. Plus, I got jeans, you have shorts.” He quickly assures, holding it out further to you.  
You hold your gaze strongly, and it only spurs him on.  
“Come on, just take it. Trust me.” He pleads, shaking it towards you.  
You accept it with a smirk as you wrap the harsh but warm denim around your shoulders.  
You are about to walk away before you hear him direct a statement towards you.  
“You can trust me, I didn’t tell Negan.”  
You immediately turn on your heels, hair flipping into your face as you look at him with an expression of shock and suspicion.  
He couldn’t possibly...  
“I saw you talking to the doc, and I saw you bring your food up to Negan. Negan was supposed to come to this, did he tell you that?” He casually retorts.  
You step closer as you shake your head no.  
“He was. He was supposed to be here. Luckily he only told me.” He looks to you with an expression of arrogance.  
“I needed to come here.” You state with a stern, intimidating expression.  
“So how many pills did you give him? Four?” He questions with no expression whatsoever.  
“Six.” You answer apathetically.  
He puts his hands on his hips and looks towards his boots with a gentle laugh.  
“Was it worth it?”  
You take a few seconds to think about it.  
“I don’t know.”   
“What does that mean?”  
You pause as Simon passes you both to grab some supplies, but then continue.  
“I’ve never seen him look so... betrayed.” You honestly confess, looking to the full moon.  
“What do you think he’s gonna do when you come back?”  
You shake your head, still looking up as you cross your arms over your chest. Biting your bottom lip, you turn your head down to look at him, eyebrows furrowed in fear.  
“I... I don’t know, Dwight. I really don’t.”  
You are quickly interrupted by Simon snapping his fingers and pointing to the woods, which is the signal for the group to follow.  
A man hands you your arrows and bow, and you quickly but quietly toss them over your back.  
You quickly catch up with Leo and Morgan, both of which are walking quickly towards the front. You walk in silence before you approach a wooden fence of sorts, only a few feet high, y’all enough to look over, but sturdy. Really sturdy, in fact. The burning smell tickles your nose as you look over the fence to see a large bonfire. Orange and red flames flicker in the distance, bits of purple and yellow adding in as the intensity of the heat increases.  
“So, what exactly do we do?” You carefully whisper to Simon.  
“Just watch. Count the women. Count the kids. Just don’t get caught.” He whispers urgently, keeping his eyes on a group of four men in bandanas. One looks oddly familiar. Although they all wear black and face their faces mostly covered, you know his eyes. It all comes together when you see him take out his blade, and you can still see the jagged edges and rusty color from hundred of feet away.  
Your eyes narrow as you get a good look at him. Harrowing blue eyes, brown hair, long in the lighting. He tosses his blade, playing with it as he catches it easily.  
You are all peeking your heads over the fence, not enough to be noticed, but certainly cutting it close.  
You take note as he walks away, disappearing into a small building of sorts. Suddenly, a group of children come into view and begin playing around the fire. You didn’t notice that most of the men in the background have disappeared; the children are distracting you as they sing chants of “ring around the rosy” and “rock-a-bye baby”.  
The camp had gotten eerily quite as the group of ten children wearing bandanas ran around the bonfire, chasing one another.  
“Ring around the Rosie...” they sang, teasingly, as a young boy began chasing the others playfully, your eyes glued to them in the flickering light.  
“A pocket full of posies...” they gleefully add, one boy grabbing a stick to run with as he runs to another little girl with a stick. They begin sword fighting with their sticks, laughing.  
“Ashes, ashes...” the remaining tag players begin holding hands and running in a circle together as the fire dances before them.  
At this moment, everything is in slow motion, and you can’t even begin to focus on anything.  
The oldest child pulls out something from his pocket and holds it in the air. It looks like a stick, but it’s a gray color.  
“Does that kid have a knife?” A man beside you grabs your shoulder as you look at him and then towards the kids again.  
You squint your eyes and see it glimmer in the firelight.  
“We all fall down!”   
As soon as the final line is spoken, the kids fling themselves to the dirt, dust flying as you look towards the man that spoke to you.  
“He has a knife. He’s like eight? Why the fuck does h-“  
He is suddenly cut off as he grunts, an odd liquid splattering your face and body, and falls to the ground. You hear a screaming sound from the kids by the fire, but you can’t focus on that as you step back suddenly in shock. You blink rapidly before your mind registers what has happened, and you look at the lifeless man before you. In his neck is the small knife the child had.  
You hear more screaming children as you see the adults running towards the fire, the child no longer holding his knife as he points in the direction of where your group is.  
“Get out! Run!” You hear Simon urgently whisper as he sprints in the direction you came from.  
You are frozen in your spot before you turn to see the people in bandanas running towards you, only a hundred yards away.  
“What- what about him?” You motion to the dead man as Morgan takes your hand, running.  
“He’s dead! Leave him!” Dwight shouts as the remainder of your group breaks into a run towards the truck.   
As you sprint towards the truck, you begin hearing gunshots as the truck appears in the distance. You grin as you lengthen your stride. You hear a shot zip past your ear and instinctively turn quickly as your ears buzz from the sound. As you look behind you, you see men vaguely in the darkness of the woods, not far behind you.  
Your thoughts are interrupted as you trip over something. That is, you think it’s something until you look to see what it is. It’s the body of another man from your group. You hold your nose as it bleeds and cry out as you push yourself back up to run.   
You hit your face hard as you can feel your nose is broken, and your mind is foggy. Probably another concussion.  
Another person in front of you is hit with an arrow as you see the long shaft pierce their body, falling to the ground instantly.  
You run as fast as you can, and you can already see your friends beginning to reach the truck, motioning for you to hurry.  
“Run!” Leo shouts as he clings onto the truck, already beginning to roll off. It’s only going a few miles per hour, but it is leaving.  
Dwight jumps into the back as he looks back for you, helping Morgan in as well.  
You are about twenty feet away from the truck as you feel a sharp pain in your back, and you immediately hit the ground as you cry out in shock. You see the truck begin to stop, but notice the men in bandanas are only a few yards behind you.   
You know you have no hope of making it onto that truck. You can’t love. You feel pinned to the ground. You can’t run to them. You look up to see their faces all etched in fear and horror as they see the blade sticking out of your back. You can feel the jagged edges clearly this time. There’s no way you can escape this.  
“Go!” You scream to them, eyes brimming with tears as you hear the shouting of the men behind you approaching. Your group looks to you in shock as the truck stays put.  
“Please, GO!” You cry out in both fear and pain. You don’t want this to be for nothing. They have to live.  
As a man in a bandana sets his foot on your back you cry out in pain, the rubber sole of his shoe purposefully catching the blade and moving it further into your back.  
You watch as the trucks speeds to life and the remaining saviors drive into the darkness.  
The crescendo of footsteps comes to a halt as everyone gathers in a circle around you.   
You turn your head to see everyone around you in all black, bandanas, and a mean look.  
The man with blue eyes is the one with his boot on you, and he quickly lifts it up as he grips his blade and rips it out, sending you screaming into the bleak night.  
As you pant to catch your breath and begin to get dizzy from the pain, you notice the blue eyes man look towards the most muscular one there and command, “that’s her. She’s the one.”   
The muscular one approaches you and lifts you over his shoulder.  
You gratefully pass out as he begins walking, a luxury of pain escaping that will be rare to come.


	21. Waking Up

NEGAN POV

You groggily wake to the sound of loud, constant knocking at your door. Your head is pounding from the pills she gave you... what the fuck where they?   
Your eyelids flutter as the light that is on in your room now seems blinding, the rays torturing your eyes. This pain only brings you to the realization you almost forgot a few moments earlier.  
She fucking drugged you to go out?  
I’m gonna fuckin lose my shit.  
Your thoughts are interrupted as the pounding on your door increases. Angrily throwing your blanket off, you knock over the remnants of utensils and plates from your tray, sending them cascading to the floor in a loud crash. You grab the temples on your head to stop your head from aching, but to no avail. It feels like every sound is echoing painfully within the walls of your skull.   
You stumble towards the door and fling it open aggressively. Standing before you is bloodied Dwight, Simon, and Morgan. They look like they’ve seen a ghost, skin pale and sweaty. Standing still and anxious, they wait for you to speak first.  
“What the fuck is it?!?” You angrily seethe, holding your head and looking to them with furrowed eyebrows. You don’t have the patience for this shit.   
“Negan, it’s Katie-“ Morgan attempts to explain before you quickly interrupt her with your rage.  
“WHERE IS SHE? I’m gonna kill her!” You snap, fully intending on carrying out your promise until you see their expressions drop into anxiety.  
“That’s why we’re here...” Morgan finishes, looking at her boots. Her face is guilt ridden and that’s a bad sign.  
“What happened?” You quip, more out of desperation than anger now.  
“She went on the run with us, and it went bad. They saw us coming, and a handful of the team escaped. Leo was shot but he’s recovering, Morgan sprained her ankle, and um....” Dwight averts his gaze from you as he shakes his head, “Katie was taken.”  
You can’t blink.  
You can’t breathe.  
You can’t even cry.  
Every emotion you want to feel somehow is stuck inside of you.   
Taken where? By who? How the fuck is that even possible? Is she ok? Is she hurt? How long ago?   
You finally swallow a lump that is forming your throat as your mouth falls open in shock. You raise your eyebrows and blink rapidly for a free times. You feel a tightening in your chest. Your head is spinning.   
It takes you a minute to process the severity of what he had just said. You don’t believe them until you see Morgan’s leg is wrapped with a brace along with the dirt and blood caked everywhere on their bodies.  
“W- Where was she taken? How do you know?” You manage to ask, your body beginning to shake from nervousness. You already knew the run was to the bandana bastards, the ones that almost killed her. You were supposed to go and finish them off soon, but she wanted to go first.  
“We were all running and Morgan held her hand and tried to help her, but they had almost reached the truck... they... they threw a knife in her back. It didn’t look too bad, but, Negan, he got her.” Dwight continued.  
“Who got her?” Again, you already know the answer, but you’re in such a state of disbelief that you need the confirmation or else you’ll go crazy.  
“Him, Negan, the one that almost killed her. He called her out. We heard a scream before we drove off the road...” Simon answers.  
You lean against the doorway, needing the support so your legs don’t give out beneath you.  
They got her.  
They have her right now.  
God, what could they be doing to her? Torturing her? Killing her? Oh no, what did you do?  
They attempt to help you from the doorway, leaning in to support you, but you shrug them off.   
You don’t want their pity.   
You just want her back.  
“We’re gonna get her back, Negan. We’re already planning an attack for next week, and-“  
You completely drown Simon’s plans out as you calculate. It’s already been a few hours since she’s been taken, and who knows what they’ve already done. She could be dead already. It’s already morning, probably 4am, you’d have to strike tonight to have a chance.  
“No. We’re going tonight.” You command.  
You watch their eyes grow large as they process your instructions. An attack this close could be dangerous, not to mention you don’t even have a plan yet; but, she needs your help. She really needs it.  
“Negan, we c-“   
“We’re going tonight, do you fuckin hear me? I’m not losin her again. We’ll start planning now, and leave at midnight.”  
You look to see all of them understanding the severity as they nod their heads and walk away, going to get others to start the logistics of plans.  
At this, you shut the door and walk to the bed, setting your face in the palms of your hands. You release a silent sob as you grab your hair roughly and fall backwards onto the mattress.   
What shitshow is she in now?  
You sigh as you run your hand downwards over your eyes, nose, and mouth, pausing to glide over the bottom of your chin, feeling the toughness of your beard.  
You see Lucille tucked away in the corner, and you instinctively walk over to her and grab her.  
It feels natural for her to be there, like she was made for your destruction. You run your finger over an edge of barbed wire before raising an eyebrow as she glistens in the moonlight. An ominous blue light is cast from the window as the full moon sits directly overhead.   
You look out towards the forest and gently tap Lucille in your palm.  
“WE.. are gonna FUCK SHIT UP. Aren’t we?” You gently purr as you run your fingers up and down the length of the wood, planning the end of whatever piece of shit touches her.


	22. Capture

KATIE POV

You awake to see yourself laying under the moonlight. You try to move but feel your hands tied behind you, and your legs are enveloped as well. You scrunch your nose as you smell firewood. The night is illuminated by what you see as an orange aura, and turn your head to see that you are laying next to the fire.  
Noticing your body stirring, you hear a pair of boots walking towards you. You turn your head to see the blue eyed man, still wearing his bandana, as he approaches you. He towers over you, an intimidating form.  
“Where is he?” He aggressively commands, voice edged with a tinge of anger and raspiness.  
“Who?” You genuinely question, keeping your voice even until you grunt as he kicks his foot into your stomach.  
The wind is knocked out of you and you gasp desperately for air, feeling as if it’s impossible to breathe. The man doesn’t even since as he asks the question again.  
“I don’t know who you’re t-“   
Your breath is once again stolen from you as you curl your fingers in the dirt, trying to hold onto your sense of reality.  
“You know who. The man that killed my brother. Where is he?”  
Oh shit.  
You hadn’t known they were brothers.   
You shake your head desperately, searching for a lie or some type of deception to keep you alive.  
“He killed two men in our group and I had to go with him or he would h-“  
This time, he slaps you in the face, sending your head reeling to the right as the stinging sensation on your cheek brings you back. You feel a few drops of metallic in your mouth and know that you’re bleeding.  
“Where is he?!?” He screams, spit flying from under his bandana, making him look like a rabid dog.  
“I told you, I don’t k-“  
You weren’t expecting the harshness of the punch that hits you. He aims for your left eye and cheek, delivering a heavy blow as you feel yourself falling without your hands to stop you. You crumble on the ground, your body like a rag doll being tossed, dust circling around you almost instantly. You can feel the blood dripping from your mouth and nose, almost pouring from their open wounds.   
Suddenly, he appears above you, holding up the glimmering blade as he plays with it.  
“I thought I’d go easy on you first, but I’ve been waiting for this.” He sadistically laughs as he drop to his knees and brings the knife in front of your face.   
You scream loudly, and he grabs your hair and yanks it back, exposing the scar on your neck to him. He smiles as he remembers what he inflicted, and he unties his bandana, knife in hand. As he brings the bandana from his face, you notice that he wears a wicked grin, and has perfectly straight teeth. He holds the bandana in front of you playfully as he brings it to your mouth, tying it behind your head in a gag-like manner.  
“It was fun the last time I had you, but we got interrupted. But, we have all the time in the world, don’t we?” He playfully smirks as he resumes his torture. He now straddles you and holds the blade to his chin, inspecting you as if you were a new canvas for him to work on.  
You watch as his knife catches the light and he brings it down to your collarbone, drawing blood as he intricately scrapes the knife against your skin.   
You try not to cry out, but fail as the pain burns deep within your skin, feeling as if your neck is on fire. You squirm in his grasp as he holds you down tighter, and your screams are drowned out by the cloth in your mouth.  
You hear pairs of footsteps in the distance as you cry out before the man on top of you is knocked to the ground, his blade scatters across the dirt.  
You notice the muscular man from before, bald and tan, his eyes forgiving and apologetic as he stands in front of the man that was on top of you. Another man, medium build and blonde hair, runs to you immediately; however, you kick at him until he stops.  
“Mason! Go to sleep!” The muscular man angrily commands as you see him look at you before grabbing his knife and pointing it at you before going into a tent.  
You look to the men, terrified as they step towards you.  
The buff guy stops before you. He immediately holds his hands up with a sorrowful expression.  
“Listen, I’m not gonna hurt you. We don’t wanna hurt you. We’re just keeping you here until we make a deal with your leader.” He replies, a comforting manner in him.  
You look at him suspiciously, still laying flat on the dust, and you attempt to sit up until you feel the pain from your back shoot through you.  
The blonde one rushes towards you and helps you sit up, as you clutch your stomach and lungs forward. You definitely have bruises from his kicks.  
The muscular one takes off his bandana and you see him kneel before you, wiping your blood with the material as he unties your gag.  
“Just let me go home.” You murmur, teeth chattering from the pain and cold.  
“I can’t do that...” the muscular man replies, focusing on your injuries.  
“He’s gonna kill you. All of you. If you don’t let me go, Negan WILL kill you.” You reply honestly.  
“I thought you said you barely knew him?”   
“I thought you said you didn’t want to hurt me?”  
“The majority of the people here think you’re just a prisoner. They don’t know you’re relationship with Negan.”  
“You don’t know anything about me.”  
“I know you wouldn’t defend the man that killed your friends if he meant nothing to you.”  
You look towards the restraints on your ankles as he leans closer towards you.  
“If you’re looking for a compromise, you might as well kill me. He wants your blood and nothing else.”  
“Sounds like a great guy.”   
You look to his eyes to nothing. There are a few silent seconds that awkwardly pass before he rubs his head and sits down.  
“What’s your name?” He finally asks.  
“You first.”  
“I’m Nick, and behind you is Jonathan.” He motions to the blonde man behind you.  
“Katie.” You reply.  
“Jonathan is now gonna be guarding you since you have some enemies. Your guy killed our guy-“  
“Because he tried to kill me.” You interrupt, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows in anger.  
“You were near our grounds.”  
“I don’t fucking know where anyone’s grounds are! You people just kill little girls that look at deer? That what ya do?” You angrily spit back to them.  
“We keep our people safe.” He replies, before his eyes are drawn to a nearby commotion.  
You look over to see four of Negan’s men, the ones on the trip with you, being dragged through the dirt. Their hands are held up by the men pulling them, and their limp bodies lag behind pitifully.   
Your mouth is agape as they bring them over towards you, and throw them into the fire, the flames devouring their bodies.  
“Hey, you’re gonna be okay. We won’t hurt you. Jonathan and I are gonna make sure we find a way to figure things out.” Nick calmly explains.  
“I hope you have a plan, because that guy is gonna get to me soon enough.” You motion to the blue eyes man’s tent as you raise an eyebrow.  
“Anthony won’t do anything. We won’t let him.” Jonathan chirps from behind you, hoisting you onto your feet as you gain your balance. He cuts the bindings on your feet and you roll your ankles to get the flood moving again.  
“You’re gonna stay in our tent until we figure out an agreement with your people.” Nick explains as you are led to a large tent with lamps.  
You roll your eyes as you duck into the tent.  
“Do I at least get my hands tied on my front? I can’t sleep like this.” You mutter as you squirm.  
He unties your bonds and let’s you get comfortable before you hold them in front of your face. Tying them, he makes them loose and comfortable.  
“We’ll sleep by the entrance so you feel safer.” Jonathan suggests as he lays in front of the zipper before shutting it.  
The sky disappears as the tent’s openings close, and the dim lighting of the lantern remains. Suddenly it disappears with a click, and you are left in complete darkness.   
You look into the top of the tent to study the dark lines that connect, and think about Negan.  
Will he come for you? Does he hate you? Do they all think you’re dead? Will they try to rescue you? Will they leave you here? Are you even important to them anymore?  
You drift into an uneasy sleep as your mind sifts through your endless list of questions.


	23. Relief

KATIE POV

You wake up alone in the tent.  
You panic as you realize that you are tied to the pole holding up the middle of the tent. He must have added an extra binding while you were asleep. With your hands raised slightly above you, you use your momentum to lean upwards and sit upright. The door flaps of the tent are closed still. From what little light you can see hitting the tent, it’s around noon.  
You try to scoot forwards with your knees to reach the zipper with your feet, but you’re only a few inches away. Your back rubs against the blankets that are set on the ground of the tent as you stretch your muscles in vain to reach the opening.  
Releasing a deep sigh, you let yourself fall limp to the ground.  
Fuck.  
Now you’re just stuck.  
You want to call for help, but what if the Anthony finds you instead? You’d for sure be dead. Maybe target practice if you’re lucky, but most likely dead.  
Your stomach grossed before you can process how long it has been since you’ve eaten. Let’s see, last night? I think? It’s been hours since you’ve eaten. You used to be able to go without a trace of food for days, but your new lifestyle that you’ve become accustomed to with Negan has basically treated you like royalty.  
Oh, Negan. I’m sorry.

You slowly watch as the light permeating through the thin tent material fades. It’s night now. Complete darkness fills every corner and inch of the tiny space, and you feel as if you are dead. Silence surrounds you. You just sit for hours. You have no desire to get caught. No desire to become a dart board.  
Your heart begins to pound as you hear footsteps approaching your tent. As the zipper is being fumbled with, your body freezes in complete fear. When the flap is opened, you release a sigh of relief as Nick and Jonathan step into view. Behind them are thousands of stars, and their faces are illuminated in moonlight again. The light blue hue fills the tent as they tip toe inside, looking around suspiciously and desperately. You scrunch your face in confusion as they have concern written all over their faces. They look in multiple directions before quietly sealing the tent once more.  
“What’s goi-“ You question nonchalantly as Nick immediately throws a hand over your mouth. You flinch as he makes contact with you, not expecting the sudden motion.  
“Shhhhh. You have to stay quiet.” Jonathan whispers as Nick slowly removes his palm from your lips.  
“Why?” You keep your voice low as you continue to interrogate their odd behavior.  
“They want to kill you.” Nick quickly states.  
“Who? Anthony? I know.”  
“Not Just him. He’s leading a group now. Most of the camp is siding with him. His brother used to be their leader before... well... you know. He wants revenge and they’re backing him up.” Nick explains, a serious time present as he looks into your eyes which are immediately filled with terror.  
“But- but you’re their leader? They have to listen to you! If you tell them to stop then-“   
“I wish I could, but they’re not listening. Can you hear that right now?”  
You furrow your eyebrows as you listen to hear short bouts of a clang sound. It reverberates throughout the camp, and you focus as you tilt your head trying to pick up the sound. You finally nod your head as you give up.  
“They’re sharpening their blades.”  
As the realization hits you, your mouth flies open as if you would try to refute his claim, and he once again puts his palm over your mouth.  
“Listen, we’re gonna get you out of here.” Nick motions to Jonathan.  
“You compromised with Negan? How?”  
“I didn’t even get to talk to him before half of my people turned on me. I’m taking you back. I can’t let someone innocent die.”   
“How do you even know I’m innocent? I’ve killed before.”  
“You kill to survive. I know you didn’t kill Anthony’s brother. Anthony tried to kill you. He has always been on the offense, and it’s happening again. He can have his power, but you’re not going to be his little sacrifice for power.”   
“So... what are we gonna do?”  
“Well, Jonathan and I came up with somewhat of an idea, but we have to leave soon. Within minutes. There are going to be people who want to kill you here, but we’re getting you out. So, we sneak you out the back gate. The one that you all were looking through is right near that gate. Most people are in their tents sharpening tools, so they won’t even hear us when we try to get through the gate.”  
You nod your head as you process this. It makes sense. It’s risky, but it makes a decent amount of sense. At this point, you have nothing to lose by trying it.  
“Ok, then what?”  
“Then we follow the tracks of your truck. It’s only been a few hours with wind and no rain. Jonathan is amazing at finding and tracking animals by their paths, and he sure can follow tore tracks. Easy en-“  
Suddenly you hear a scratchy sound fill your ears as you look behind you to see knife punctures in the tent. You hear more scratchy noises full the air as blades slash beside Nick and Jonathan. You scream as you feel a pair of hands grab your from behind, gripping onto your hipbones, nails digging into your flesh and drawing blood.   
You can now here wild yelling as men and women are all hollering and crying out, as if it were a sacrifice.  
You try to fight off the hands that hold you, but that only encourages more pairs of hands to snag bits of you before you are being dragged out of the makeshift exit in your side of the tent.   
You look up to see torches of fire being held over you as people in bandanas laugh and spit upon you. A woman takes out a long, sharp blade and lifts the bottom hem of your shirt up with it, revealing your lower stomach. She quickly changes motions as she slices the right side of your tummy, automatically maroon rivulets if pain to the broken skin. You release a high pitched cry as you try to hunch over your wound, but you cannot even focus on it because of everything happening. Your back is burning from the raw pain of being dragged on rock and dirt forcefully to who knows where. You can’t even see where you are being taken, but you can smell fire. Your arms are being held painfully tight above you as Anthony ruthlessly leads you to your probable death, laughing along the way as people shout happily.  
“Nick! Jonathan! Nickkk!” You try to call out before a different woman takes out a curved blade and cuts your arm. You swallow your cry as you try to reason with him.  
“Anthony! Anthony! I didn’t kill him! You were there! I didn’t! I had nothing to do with his death and you know that! Y-“ suddenly a man aimed forwards and slaps you in the face, reopening your facial wounds. The familiar taste of metal fills your mouth, as if you were sucking a wet coin. You wince at the pain, but are prepared for the mans knife to your neck, gently tearing the flesh again. He only reopens about an inch of scarred skin before you are thrown violently onto the ground, knocking the wind from you. You gasp for air desperately as your arms rest above you, dripping with blood from the cut the woman so graciously gave you earlier. Your nostrils and lungs are filled with strong smoke, and you can feel the hot temperature of the fire before you as you turn to see fresh flames dancing. Men and women gather around you in a circle-like formation around the fire, placing you in between the two terrible things. You look around to see Nick and Jonathan, also bruised and bloodied, brought into the outside of the circle with you. They look exhausted, disappointed, and scared.  
You flip over onto your stomach, your wound from your back aching as the increasing pressure you hold on it begins to win. The dirt sticks to your stomach, collecting in the sticky blood from the recent cut. You attempt to scoot towards the two of them on your hands and knees before a boot stomps inches in front of your fingers. You look at the brown leather with a cinched expression, focusing only on the laces, refusing to look up at the man connected to the shoe.  
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” The man gruffly asks you.  
You continue looking down, mouth agape, eyebrow raised as you look at the dust gently swirling and collecting around his boots.  
You do not answer.  
“Killin my brother! Killin my people! Comin in here! Tryin to kill us!” He shouts, letting the people cry out after each little part.  
You shake your head as the allegations are thrown at you.  
“You were gonna kill us all! That’s why you brought your people! You wanted to take us all out like my brother!”  
“No!” You find your voice with surprise as the chanting comes to a halt. Although you shouted your declaration into the air, everything and everyone around you has stopped. You watch as the boots turn directly to face you.  
You take a big gulp as you watch as knees appear in your vision. Anthony is kneeling to meet your eyes. You look up to meet his blue eyes, pupils dilated. He has the same expression you saw with Negan the night he captured you.   
“Oh, honey, you really think you’re gonna stop me from killing you AND everyone you care about? Well...” He slowly stands up and begins walking around the circle, pacing, before he comes to a halt. He turns around to see Nick and Jonathan before him. Without hesitation, he grabs his blade and stabs Nick in the gut. You watch as Nick’s eyes widen in surprise and his mouth opens. You cry out as Jonathan turns away, distressed.  
The crowd cheers as Anthony removes the ten inch blade from his stomach, wiping the blood off on his shoulder sleeve.  
Nick falls to the ground in a heap, and you turn your head away. You may have only known him for a few hours, but he tried to save you. He tried to keep you from harms way, but life always somehow finds a way to make sure you are fucked over.  
You listen as Anthony laughs and steps towards you again. He approaches you and you feel a knife against your hands. You shut your eyes until you feel a wisp of air around your wrists. You open your eyes to see that your ties are cut. Just as you begin to run your left wrist with your right hand, you see Anthony smile and take a step back. You wince as you see him throw something into the dirt. You see the blade, covered with a mix of blood and the dirt sticking to it. It glimmers in the firelight, looking beautiful for almost a moment, but that quickly changes as you see someone from the cross throw their weapon to Jonathan.  
You make eye contact with Jonathan as he looks towards you and the knife, anticipating what will happen next. You are panting now, breathing heavily as you look to him, eyes pleading and filled with absolute terror.  
“Now, since I’m a decent fucking leader, I’m not gonna kill ALL of you; in fact, I’ll let you decide! That’s a decent fucking favor. Now, all you have to do is decide who’s gonna win. I’m gonna give you five minutes to decide, and in that time, you’re gonna find out. You’re gonna fight. Now, if I don’t see a good fucking fight at the end of that time, I’m gonna slit both of your throats. Ok?” Anthony lifts his hands up, pretending to seek approval, and everyone in the crowd cheers. You look around with a sorrowful expression as Jonathan looks down to his weapon.  
“See? That’s what a good fuckin leader looks like. Not that.” He laughs as he motions to the lifeless body of Nick.  
“Oh, I almost forgot, boys, go ahead.” Anthony announces.   
Two men step forward towards the body and carelessly toss it in the fire, sending the logs crackling as the flames devour him. They walk away nonchalantly as you nearly gag.  
“Don’t want him being a chaser ya know? Does it look like a fun future?” Anthony innocently asks you as you furrow your eyebrows in disgust. He takes a step away while keeping his hands up.  
“Alright, enough boring shit taken care of. I’m gonna start counting down. It’s your choice... aaaaaaaaand, go!” Anthony immediately steps into the crowd to cheer as you are stunned into staying in the same spot.  
You see Jonathan has not moved yet, but he is switching between focusing on your facial expression, the crowd reactions, and the blade in front of him.  
You can see the wheels in his mind turning as he stands up. He keeps looking towards his knife, and you instinctively make a quick motion towards yours. Just as soon as you grab the grip of your blade, you see him break into a sprint to grab his. Still on the ground, you stumble backwards as you try to stand up.  
You see him running towards you, a crazed expression on his face, but you can’t find your footing, continuously falling backwards like a wounded animal trying to limp to safety.  
You watch as he brings his arm backwards, holding his knife at bay with his strength, ready to bring it down upon you. His face changes as you release a whimper and close your eyes. He blinks rapidly a few times before his arm loosens and falls to his side. You finally gain the courage to stand up, and end up inches away from him. Just as you open your mouth to say something, you see a flash of something thrown from the crowd. It hits Jonathan in the side of the leg, and sticks at an awkward angle. He immediately releases a cry and grabs his thigh, blood running quickly from the area.  
He quickly grips the handle and rips it out. From what you can see, it only punctured an inch into his skin, so no artery hit.   
You look into the crowd to see who threw it.  
“Enough fucking around and get to it. Three minutes left. Fight or die.” Anthony shouts with a smug look on his face, arms crossed as you look at him in disgust and anger.  
“I don’t want to do this...” you quip guiltily as you tighten your grip on your blade as you step away from him.  
“I don’t either, but we have to.” He nods, looking down towards his feet.  
“One of us should live, and if I die, tell Negan I’m sorry.”   
“If you die, tell Nick I’m sorry.”   
He tightens his grip on his knife as you hear a shout from the crowd.  
“Here He is! Maybe he’ll fight now!”   
You both turn your heads to see a boy that is the same age as both of you.   
Jonathan’s eyes widen at the sight of the man. He has sandy brown hair, tan skin, and a bloody nose. He must have been punched.  
“What are you doing? He had nothing to do with this!” Jonathan desperately shouts, crying out as a man puts a knife to his throat.  
“Oh trust me, Jonathan, Mason will play a large part of what is going to happen.” Anthony proudly declares as he once again takes a step into the circle with you two.  
You look to Jonathan with confusion at the man being held hostage but he only shakes his head in disbelief.  
“So, I’m going to raise the stakes a little higher now. Since you refuse to fight for your life, you’ll fight for your lover’s life as well. Katie, if you lose, I’ll have everyone attack the saviors camp and bring back Negan’s head for you. Then, I’ll kill you. Jonathan, I know you’ve been trying to keep your little relationship a secret, but I know everything. If you lose, I’ll kill him, right here. I will. And then I’ll kill you...” Anthony casually shrugs as you look to Jonathan in horror, “since you won’t fight for your own life, you can fight for your lover’s.” Anthony struts over to Mason, Jonathan’s boyfriend, and caresses his cheek gently, causing Mason to shiver and turn from his touch. Anthony’s face turns a fake pitiful look, lips pouting as he looks to Jonathan.   
“Such a handsome face...” the cruel man suddenly pulls out a tiny looking knife of about five inches in length. He inspects the blade, gently turning it over, before placing it on Mason’s cheekbone. “It would be such a waste for it to be lost.”  
A few moments of silence pass before he begins tracing down Mason’s jawline, nicking his chin in the process. He can’t hide his wince of pain from you, and the light from the flames reveal an expression of pain. Jonathan angrily grips his knife and grits his teeth.  
“Fight. I won’t tell you twice. I keep my promises.” Anthony roars and looks at both of you as he steps once again to the edge of the crowd, an expression of wicked amusement in his features.  
You watch as he claps his hands and the crowd explodes into cheers and screams, the signal for the start of the fight.   
You have to win.   
You have to, for Negan.  
If you lose, he dies.  
You grip your blade tightly in your right hand, plans sweaty from nervousness and fear. Jonathan takes one look at Mason and does the same, his hand fidgeting as he grips his weapon.   
You watch as he runs towards you, a full on sprint, and your mind races. He holds the knife in his hand, ready to inflict whatever he must. He’s only a few feet away from you now, knife steady as he swipes at your neck. Still stunned from everything, you do not react in time, dodging the fatal blow but leaning away and catching your left side, feeling a sharp sensation and liquid pour on your shoulder as you scream.  
You grab your arm with one hand as you see Jonathan coming back again for another swing. He lunged out towards you with his right hand, aiming for your neck again, but you swivel under and around, countering with a quick pass of your knife on the underside of his wrist.   
He helps, leaning over to stop the bleeding, his grip on his knife loose. You take the opportunity and bring your leg up, using your strength to kick his wrist. Flying out from his hand, the knife scatters on the ground a few feet away. He growls out in anger, running towards you again. He leans his body into you, wrapping his arms around yours, and brings the both of you to the ground, hard.  
You can hear the roar of the crowd increasing as he straddles you. The knife is now under your boot, having fallen during the collision.   
Wrapping his hands around your neck, he squeezes hard, trying to choke you. You try to scream, but all that comes out is a whistle sound, and you feel yourself suffocating. You bring your hands up, shoving them and punching them into whatever you can on his face, momentarily distracting him. You must have hit him in the nose, because you can feel a warm, sticky liquid pouring onto your chest. You look to see a puddle of red pooling right into your boobs, collecting on your shirt, but staining your exposed collarbone and chest area. You gasp for air as his hands leave your neck, grabbing to clutch his nose instead. He cries out and leans over you in pain. Panting, you figure he must be distracted by pain and decide to try to flip him over. You bring your hips up, trying to buck him off. He wobbled for a moment, setting his now bloody hands on either side of you to gain his balance. Once he does, he begins grabbing your hands. You immediately begin fighting him again, and he punches you in the stomach, momentarily faxing you as you lose your breath. You gasp desperately and he takes the opportunity to pin your hands under his thighs. Now, you are completely stuck.  
The crowd roars as he once again brings his hands to your neck, squeezing harder and tighter than before. You furrow your eyebrows in pain as you feel your airways constrict, loosing oxygen quickly.  
You feel yourself getting dizzy already, but you remember the knife under your boot. Using your strength, you kick backwards until you feel a thump. You feel a small stabbing pain as the tip of the knife hits your finger. Patting your hand on the ground, you don’t quit until you feel your hand grab the handle successfully. Your fingers might have suffered a little pain, but it’s better than death.  
Usually you would be mad, but now you’re grateful.  
You choke out more, wheezing as you try to breathe, but he’s too strong. Everything is going blurry. You can see spots in your vision. You have to act now.  
Grabbing on tightly, you bring your arm back quickly, sinking the blade into his calf. He cries out, rolling his body off yours to grab at his injured muscle. You blink rapidly as you inhale deeply, taking in all the air you’ve missed. You do this quickly, as you scramble on the ground, catching your breath.  
You watch as he takes the knife out, holding it in front of him with shaking, bloody hands. It went in a decent amount, about three or four inches.  
If only you had a knife now, you could throw it at him while he’s down.  
Your eyes widen as you remember his knife scattering in the dirt a few feet away. You crawl on the ground, looking desperately for it until you hear a clink of metal. You smile and grab for the blade, taking it from in front of your knee. You turn to see him limping towards you, knife in hand, an exhausted but determined look on his face.  
You grit your teeth as you bring your blade behind you before throwing your hand forward, releasing the weapon. You follow the flash of metal until you hear a soft “shink” sound of the knife making contact with skin. He takes the blow, the right side of his body jerking back as the knife sinks into inner shoulder. It’s only inches from his neck, but not close enough to cause damage.   
He didn’t even grunt this time, just ripping the dagger from his muscle sharply, only wincing slightly. Your mouth is agape in disbelief. He’s going to win.  
The chanting of voices grows louder as he stands above you, a knife in each hand, bloody, and victorious.  
He looks to your eyes and sees your pain, and he gulps. You nod your head in acceptance. You’re bloody, and you can feel the purple and yellow bruising on your neck. You’ve been through hell, and you’re ready to go.  
“Just make it quick.” You mutter apathetically as you look to his face for comfort.   
He nods sympathetically, wrapping a knife wielding arm around your shoulders, gently cradling your body as he brings his right hand backwards, ready to plunge the blade into your heart.   
You can feel the thumping in your ears and the pounding in your chest as you watch the knife that is shaking in his hand. Your eyes water and you can feel them brimming with tears as you look at the knife. He gently taps your back.  
“Hey, hey it’s ok. It’s ok. Look at me. Look at me, ok. Look at me.” He sympathetically whispers, eyes pleading with you.  
You turn your neck to look at his face, stained with dirt and blood. He looks terrified and apologetic at the same time.   
Just as you begin to feel him shift to plunge the knife into you, the crowd turns silent. The two of you confusedly look towards the scene to see a woman from the crowd on the ground, an arrow in her heart.  
You look to him, lost, until you hear a whizzing sound by your ears. You both watch as another woman falls to the ground, an arrow in her heart. As you turn to face Jonathan, you hear an echo of a gunshot and you smile. Immediately there is a hailstorm of gunshot sounds as people in the crowd begin to fall.  
“It’s Negan!” You excitedly whisper as he drops the knives, holding you close to him.   
“Get your boyfriend!” You shout as you watch Anthony’s horrified expression, the crowd erupting into a panic as they begin to scatter.  
The man holding Mason is dead, and so he is already crawling towards Jonathan as the two embrace each other desperately.  
You run over to them to shield them, watching the others run away.   
Just as you position your body to protect your friends from your own gunfire, you hear Anthony shout angrily.  
You turn to see him running towards the three of you, a long and sinister looking machete in his hand. He is only a few feet from you when you see someone come behind him and attack him, swinging a long object at his head.  
You instinctively scream at the sound of a sickening crack, knowing it to be his skull. He immediately goes limp, falling awkwardly, mid stride, to the dust. Anthony’s lifeless body is about an arms length away from you, and it’s terrifying to see.  
You turn to Mason and Jonathan, checking to see if they are alright. They agree, breathing heavily, before something catches their attention, and they look up, behind you.   
You can see the shadow from the way the firelight casts it upon the ground, flickering gently. Sensing his presence, you slowly turn your body around.  
You fall on your knees when you see him, in shock and appreciation. You’re completely exhausted, beaten, and bruised. Your only consolation is when you see the glimmer of the barbed wire, dripping wet with fresh blood.  
“Hey there, darlin.”   
His raspy voice is music to your ears, a sigh of being home. It’s a song you could listen to on repeat. The sweetest thing you’ll ever listen to is right now.  
You let the tears of relief flow, the salt stinging the cuts on your face.  
You don’t care how mad he is.  
You don’t care how upset he’ll be.  
You don’t care about anything, except him.


	24. Dead Man’s Switch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Rihanna hair flip* hi babes I’m back 

You release the air you had been holding as you blink your eyes rapidly again, still in shock of his presence.  
He seems angry, but not at you. Having taken out all of the hatred on the man that kidnapped you, he seems relatively content, but still angry; that is, until you begin to move towards him.  
You begin to stand up, flinching in pain from the many wounds you have sustained during your time as hostage. Your legs begin to buckle, and you hold your arms out to catch yourself.   
When he notices you faltering slightly, he rushes towards you. Your fall is braced by his strong arms, lifting you into the air and holding you to his chest. You gasp for air heavily as you finally feel safe once again. You feel yourself being lowered to the ground, your knees gently meeting the dirt below you. You fall limply into him as he leans back into his heels, holding you tightly.  
“It’s okay, it’s okay, darlin, you’re alright.” He coos softly into your ear, robbing gentle circles on your back in clockwise motions.  
It seems almost surreal.  
You can hear the chaos reverberate around you. The shouting, gunshots, crackling fire, feet pounding on the earth, crying. You are aware of the terror, but everything seems safe. You feel at ease. You feel calm.  
All seems right in his arms.  
His expression changes as he notices something. He once again lowers you to the ground, but he stands up himself. He brings Lucille behind him threateningly as he eyes his prey.  
“So you like killing little girls huh? That what you were gonna do to her?” You hear Negan aggressively interrogate.  
You turn around to assess the situation and see that he is towering over Jonathan and mason.  
“No! No! I wouldn’t ha-“ Jonathan tries to plead with him, but both he and mason scramble backwards.  
“Don’t give me that bullshit! I hate liars you know? Almost as much as I hate guys that like to hurt little girls.” Negan shouts, quickly catching up to them, taunting them as he brings Lucille behind his head, about to hit them both.  
“No!” You desperately shout, nails scratching handfuls of dirt as you scramble towards them, jumping on top of them to shield them once more.   
Negan immediately ceases his attack and holds Lucille above him, a confused look on his face.  
“Katie, get out of the way, now!” He yells angrily.  
“No! They tried to save me!”   
“Trying to fuckin stab you isn’t my idea of a rescue, hon, now move!”   
“They really tried! He was forced to fight me! They threatened both of us! He had nothing to do with it!” You frantically shout, holding your arms out wide protectively.  
He hesitates momentarily as he takes in your perspective.  
“So they aren’t some of their people?” Negan motions to the dead blue eyed man in a bandana.  
“I mean, they are part of their group, but-“ you begin to see Negan raise Lucille again, and you raise your voice higher, “they saved me more than once! They aren’t bad! He tried to help me escape!”   
He looks from you to Jonathan suspiciously, until he addresses Jonathan directly.  
“You really tried helping her escape huh?”   
“Y-yes I did. You must be Negan.” He nervously answers, now snaking an arm protectively around mason.  
“How the fuck you know me?” Negan threatens.  
“She t- Katie, Katie talked about you to us. And told us about you.”   
Negan’s anger immediately turns to an emotion you can’t read, but it’s along the lines of pride and relief.  
“Really now?” He asks, voice now lighter.  
Jonathan merely nods in agreement, and looks to you.  
“I told them you would come for me.” You plead desperately, looking into his eyes for forgiveness.  
He returns his gaze to you and just nods, dropping Lucille from his shoulder and resting the top of her against his boot, the barbed wire lightly scratching his leather boots.  
“Alright, then. If she says you saved her, then you come with us. If I see you doing anything suspicious, you’re dead.” He commands, nodding to two of his men that instantly begin to usher Jonathan and mason away.  
Your attention is broken by the sound of a bomblike boom in the distance. You quickly jerk your head around and see a large flash of fire followed by a cloud of smoke and dust about a hundred yards from you.  
“Fuck.” You hear Negan mutter under his breath, before grabbing Lucille by the middle.  
“Fall back! Fall back!” He desperately yells, his command echoing across the empty field of dirt and fire. You watch as the distant figures of men and women come careening towards you, growing larger by the second.  
You hear another set of bongs ho off, this time louder than before. You look to see large bouts of smoke and flames closer to you, a few yards ahead of the last bomb.  
Negan grabs your hand and jerks you forwards, causing you to stumble as you are forced into a sprint.   
“What are those?” You scream, struggling to keep pace.  
“Dead Man’s Switch.” He grunts, humping over a small bump of grass and you follow.  
“What’s that?!?”  
“Bombs connected to heartbeat of their leader, and he must have died.”  
You hear another round of bombs going off behind you, and you turn slightly to see some of Negan’s men engulfed in flames. You turn around again, temporarily stunned.  
“Damnit! I was so focused on getting the son of a bitch that tried to kill you before! I never even kept an eye on my men to tell them not to kill their leader.” Negan angrily laments to himself.  
“It wasn’t connected to their leader! It can’t be! He was killed before you all even got here!” You shout, confused, and try to ignore the sound of booms near you again.  
“Well then it must have gone to the next most important guy there!”  
“The next most important guy there WAS the blue eyed guy!”  
Suddenly another round of bombs go off, and this time you can feel the heat. You turn to see the flames about twenty feet behind you. You release a scream of terror as Negan pulls you desperately.  
“Come on! We’re almost there!”   
You look forwards to see the truck again. Many of Negan’s men are jumping in their own trucks. You hear the roar of engines coming to life and the scratching of tires rolling against dirt and rocks. Negan’s truck is only a hundred meters away. You can see Morgan and Dwight motioning for you both to hurry, Simon just then climbing onto the back to join them.  
You can feel a rumble under your feet, and suddenly everything is deafened.  
Everything seems to be going in slow motion.  
You see your right hand being dragged forward, and Negan’s frightened expression as he looks back to you again. You are vaguely aware of your legs moving, and suddenly everything turns white. Negan fades from your vision. You can’t feel yourself running anymore. You feel almost weightless for a moment.   
Your body startles as you feel a crashing sensation colliding with your body. You gasp for breath, choking on the smoky scent filling your nostrils. Your lungs feel as if they are going to collapse. Your airway is filled with the black smoky feeling, and you try to turn over into your side, but you can’t move.   
Your eyes are flooded with a blurriness you haven’t had before. You feel as if there are small flurries of blinking lights in your vision, turning on and off consistently.  
You hear a buzzing sound in your ears, a high pitched note that sounds like a dog whistle toy would.   
Suddenly, you can feel your body again. You can also begin to see again, but only a little.  
You can feel you pulling yourself up, your elbows lifting off the ground, and relying on your knees to lift yourself upwards.   
The ringing in your ears won’t stop, so you bring your right hand up to gently try to knock the sound out. As you tap your right ear, you feel sharp pains. You wince and bring your hand down again, only to see blood on your palm. Your eyes widen, and you bring your other hand to your other ear and have the same results.   
You try to get up, and your knees barely make it off the ground before you stumble forwards, this time tumbling over and rolling sideways onto your back.  
You grunt in pain as you look around, your vision still hazy.   
Suddenly Negan comes into your vision, face blacked partially with dirt and smolder. He is screaming something, but you can’t hear it. You can’t hear anything still.  
You feel your body lifted as he carries you forward to the truck, and shuts you in the trunk. He jumps in after you, and you see his arm banging on the sides of the trucks to get them going. You feel the vibration of the truck speeding off.  
Negan, Morgan, Simon, Dwight, Jonathan, and Mason are surrounding you. You hear a few sighs of relief as you are engulfed in a hug. Everything once again goes black.


	25. FACK UPDATE

Hi sister friends!  
I’m taking the LSAT tomorrow and I neeeeed to get a good score for law school so send good vibes and thoughts pls. I’ve been so distracted trying to get my life together. Encouragement for stories and life in general would be appreciated so feel free to comment encouragement and pray for your Elle Woods ho pls thnx


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